Healing a broken heart ♥


Sunday, May 31, 2009
at 2:58 AM

Feeling - Accomplished.



小晶!要坚强一点!

I've set new rules for myself! And I must abide them!

♥ 1. I shall not fall in love again.
♥ 2. Stop spending so much cash.
♥ 3. Shall not hurt ANY guys AGAIN.
♥ 4. Stop having eye candies.
♥ 5. Turn my flirt life to emo and play life.
♥ 6. Read and do some homework each day.
♥ 7. Stop Mapling so much.
♥ 8. Stop spending money like running tap water.
♥ 9. Shall not argue with my friends over trivial matters.
♥ 10. Stop being arrogant and complacent of myself.
♥ 11. I will reject any guys who come for me.
♥ 12. Change my negative perception of life.
♥ 13. Stop going for playboys and just-for-run r/s.
♥ 14. -兄弟姐妹一条心-(:Bold


So many rules -.-.
I wonder how many will I break?
Let's just let my future takes its course of nature :D.

Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥



Thursday, May 28, 2009
at 7:37 PM


The end of the matrimony


Jealousy.
Misery.
Angry.
Revengeful.

This was how I felt when I saw him with another girl.
But I think they are just friends.
I don't know why I made a fuss out of it.
I'm very happy with my decision right now.

"I don't want you to be my boyfriend. I don't need you, not even as my friend."
"I've had enough fun from you."
"Playboy huh? Sorry, this time round I've played you instead."

This was what I shouted at him.
I don't know what'd got into me, but I guess its over.

And I'm happy with my decision. Because he stopped irritating me finally.
What a relieve.
Back to being single.
I won't live another day to regret.
I self-decept to forget.
Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥



Saturday, May 23, 2009
at 7:34 PM


SOMEONE OWE ME COFFEE !
Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥



Friday, May 22, 2009
at 11:42 PM

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

我知道 - by2 - twins

从来没想过
不能再和你牵手
委屈时候 没有你
陪着我心痛
一切都是我
太过骄纵
以为你会懂
一直忘了说
我有多感动
我知道你还是爱着我
虽然 分开的理由
我们都已接受
你知道我会有多难过
所以 即使到最后
还微笑着 要我加油
我知道你还放不下我
才会 在离开时
闭着眼没有回头
我们都知道彼此心中
其实这份爱没停过
曾经完整幸福的梦
在脑海里头
我多希望你
还在我左右
答应你 我会好好过
不让 这些眼泪白流

This song reminds me of a particular guy.
I dont know whether he still notices me, but it's long over.

I'm very sorry towards him.
Fate's just cruel to the core.
22...May..2009.


♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥



Thursday, May 21, 2009
at 6:10 PM

Today is a post exam day (:!
No lessons, but the activities are tedious -.-.

For the first part of the day, we played a newly innovated game known as Tchouckball.
The game was confusing ):<
I didn't even participate at all!
The coach looks like Frankenstein okay!
Then halfway playing game, Ziling's turn to catch the ball.
Guess what happened?

When she wasn't paying any attention,
the ball came and hit her on the chest while she was breathing in.
LOL ley, she choke on her breath -.-.
Led me laughing for 15min then coach think I'm a lunatic -.-.

-

Second part of the day was the concert [Queensway Idol].
The air inside the hall were seemingly warm and stale because there were SO many ppl.
While we started sitting down, I sat near MingZhu and her friends.
And we watched the 'concerto' LOL.
Throughout the concert we made alot of funny/sarcastic or good remarks at the finalists -.-.
And laughed when they went "zao-siah" LOL!

MingZhu : "WHAT the fuck la f5! This kind of standard also can get in finalist?!"
Me : "HOI! This kind 没水准 de singing also can get in finals?!"

MingZhu : "She go in finalist I think I champion le ley!"
Me : "Like that also good?! MY god!"

Me : "HOI talk so much! You go sing la!"
MingZhu : "I SING? I cannot sing, I can play drums only."
Me : "Not you cannot sing. You sing every window/glass all shatter already!"

-

Actually also real -.-.
What kind of singing is this?!
There were 7 finalists!
I think only 2 or 3 can match up to MY standard lor!

LOL, YES I'M DAMN GOOD AT SINGING.
But I don't usually sing because it's damn weird o.o.
Seriously... I think I can do better anyway -.-.

Then after that went to canteen ate with Crystal, MH, Aiko and ZL.
And went back to class, prepared to leave school.

Went to TiongBahru and ate with Mingzhu and Liping.
Waited and crazied. Then went back home.

Since Maple's still under maintenance,
I karaoke-ed with my neighbour until 6.30pm.
And realised something.
(Actually my voice also not bad :D just cant sing high pitch LOL!)
I'm so miserable, my voice is far from genuine ):!

Nevermind! Gotta buck up on my singing soon.

Here's my exam results. Some aren't out yet.
Some failed. Some passed. Some failed with rainbow colors.
Only one made me proud of myself.

English : FAILED | 36/100 | E8
Chinese : PASSED | 57/100 | C6
E-Maths : PASSED | 51/100 | C6
Physics : PASSED | 67/100 | B3
Chemistry : PASSED | 80/100 | A1
F&N : (Not out yet)
POA : PASSED | 71/100 | A2
SocialStudies : FAILED | 34/100 | E8
Geography : PASSED | 66/100 | B3

---------------------------------------

I received a ferrero rocher from Mr Tan! :D HE DAMN BIASED ):!

---------------------------------------

Once again, Meet The Parents' session is around the corner.
Time for crows and chatters :D.
*wears earmuffs*
And and, overall class ranking will be out too.
I don't think I will hit at least a top 10.
My failures made it impossible.


Somehow, although I failed.
I feel very contented because I realised my mistakes.
I abolished my over-confidence in English and SS.
I will be very thankful to that guy who woke up from my arrogant dreams.

Knowing that I would not be able to surpass my boastful claims just by a little effort,
I will study with new intensity and be back as the top few.

Somehow someone asked me. "Why do you study?"

MY answer would be : "I'm sick of being oblivious to everything and letting parents down. Although I know for this time round it's too late because a chance wasted is a chance ruined, I will continue to work hard for the sake of myself and my beloved ppl who has extremely high expectations for a *little genius(thats what they called me)* like me. I'm disappointed yet satisfied with myself this round."

This guy told me :
"It's okay to fail, as long as you've tried your best."

Another guy told me :
"Do not stop to see, but instead, strive to soar and satisfy to survive."

(Ah darned, why do I have tears now?)
Maybe later.
Thanks for all the blesses for my exams.
If I could make it, it's all because of you all.
Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥



Saturday, May 16, 2009
at 1:25 AM

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

往世的今天,请记得我不再纯在了。

在这段刻苦明星生命的尾端,我很满足了。
没法拿到好的成绩,没法过得开开心心。

有什么更痛苦呢?
觉得身体又小小的镇在刺痛着我。
生离死别的感觉很难受吧?

真的看不到人生的一丝曙光。。。
真的不想再活下去。。。
没希望了。

也许再也看不见我心爱的朋友。
看不见你。。。看不见你的笑容。。。

I gave you my heart.
You filled it with happiness and made me feel reliant towards you.
But you let this love suffer and die on its own.
You ignored my cries for help.
Took a hammer and smashed this heart.
Left it in the slumps and left it all so lonely.
You left me searching for the lost pieces of my heart.
Then left the pieces back to me...

我们本来是很开心的。
但到达缘分结束,快乐将会变成悲伤

When I'm with you,
I did not treasure the time I had.
When your turned and walked away,
I did not stop you from leaving.
When your view gets smaller and eventually disappeared,
I knew that you have walked out of my life.

When you did not think that I exist in this world,
I knew that
you have clearly forgotten me.

When you smiled and pretended nothing happened,
I realised that it was just a dream.
When we accidentally looked each other in the eye and you looked away coldly,
I knew that it was all, just a lovely mistake I made.

You left me smiling painfully.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥



Monday, May 11, 2009
at 5:26 PM



你说你还是喜欢孤单

其实你被我看穿
事到如今没有答案
我的真心为你牵绊
不管相见的夜多么难堪
简简单单的说 爱是不爱
想要把你忘记真的好难
思念的痛在我心里纠缠
朝朝暮暮的期盼 永远没有答案
为何当初你选择一刀两断
曾经说过的话风吹云散
站在天秤的两端 一样的为难
唯一的答案 爱一个人好难

BaeMax
23April2OO9


Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥



Saturday, May 2, 2009
at 9:46 PM

----

Hehe. So this is it.
We've been probably progressing REALLY well,
but yesterday I got sort of a "quarrel" over smses.

I must admit I was too paranoid or rather sensitive o.o.
You see.. We'd been playing/teasing through sms,
and the worst thing is, my PMS came!

I had been like a bargirl-like person ever since I'm with him.
Thats actually good because I don't linger on the emotional side so oftenly.
Say seriously, I feel really good with him.

------------------------------
Top Question Someone Asked:
------------------------------

Q: Why have I chose him out of others?
A: Because I'd choose someone who gives me the BEST answers and comfort.
A: Because we really suit each other well, we CONTEMPLATE each other.
A: Because I feel that we're made for each other [I've never felt this way BEFORE].


Happy enough an answer?

That's all for today,
I don't think I'd be blogging often.
Will be going out regularly with him or busy with something else.

Tatas then.

-- Kisses, with loves.

--BaeMax--.
--23 April 2oo9--
Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥



Friday, May 1, 2009
at 10:14 PM


im sure why you all liked to know that i have once again, heart hopped to another guy.
my last relationship didn't last. let's hope this will.

my close friends have heard of it.
sec2/3 prefects all know about me and him.
rumors [some true] has been going around.

to all your questions:

Q : Are you his girlfriend?
A : Yes, I am.

Q : Is he a sec2 and you a sec3?
A : Yes he, and I are.

Q : Why would you like a person younger than you?
A : No he isn't. He's 1 year older than me.

Q : How did you both get together?
A : I'm not sure, love is undefined.

Q : How long have you been together?
A : Since 23 April 2OO9, 11 days till today.

Q : How are you and him progressing?
A : Pretty well and fast.

Q : Any ideas of giving your all?
A : Not yet time to think of that.

Q : Why do you like him?
A : He looks charming when he smiles, and he sounded cute when he tried to talk to me in english/chinese and he's unable to pronounce that properly.

Q : Why would you fall for a non-sg?
A : Isn't that simple? Because I don't like Sg/Msians! He looked evil, proud, cute and his behaviour is attractively weird.

Q : Is he good to you?
A : I mean, of course. He's really good/sweet to me.

Q : Do you trust him?
A : Takes time to reveal the truth.

Q : Do you think your feelings for him is infatuation or true love?
A : Infatuation turned true love.

Q : Do you go out with him?
A : At least a quadruple time a week.

Q : Why do you love him?
A : He's charming, cute, caring, cool. Simple, sweet, sexy and sizzling hot.

Q : Do you think you and him make a great pair together?
A : Yes of course. He's a cancer and I'm a scorpio (:. We compensates for each other's weakness, [like, isn't that the best thing on earth already?].

Q : Do you feel shy and unsecure in the first place?
A : Obviously I did. But I got to know him more and I'm not so shy anymore. It wasn't easy putting my faith and trust in him, I gotta admit.

Q : What love song would you describe about you and his relationship?
A : 'My heart will go on' - Celine Dion and 'Meteor rain' - F4 [he showers love on me].

Q : Do you think you and him can last?
A : A 2 years is a confirmed yes, but I'm not so sure later on, I mean, life changes, right?

Q : Why are you sort of changed?
A : I'm a proud and changed girl ever since I had him by my side and I'm very happy with myself.

Q : What type of person is he?
A : I noticed he has two sides. Shy, gentle, funny, and daring, rough, horny!!

Q : How's your progress with him?
A : Held hands on first date,
Kissed on cheeks on second date
Accidentally kissed lips to lips when on the bus on 5th day.
[Forced] He wanted tongue kiss on 10th day.


Q : Err, so.. Why are you forced?
A : Cos we did it in a bus and we're wearing school uniform -.-! It lasted only about 3 seconds, please? I'm shy and I gotta think about the ppl in the bus!

Q : So is your love for him now hot and tense or warm and gentle?
A : Both. A movie must have its climax and relaxing scenes.

Q : ----
A : Can't stand you already la. Bye I go sms my darling!



Hopefully I've answered all your questions.
To that very guy, I'm sorry I gotta leave you behind.

x3
Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥




♥ Search



♥ Yours truly





Baelia Alistair Pan.
Single/Attached
I'll NEVER be available!
My heart's preoccupied
I'm currently 15
Queensway Sec
Scorpio
14 November's my birthday!
I'm a crybaby
Mad about LOVE
Don't step over my limit
She loves to sing!
I'm fun!
I like to play!
Divided in two
Blur as a sotong
I needs lots of love and concern
I'm just like a cat :D
I love attention <3
Dont judge me from the outside
Cause you dont understand ME .


♥ Loves

♥ Freedom
♥ Cookies
♥ Cheese
♥ Chocolates
♥ Chilli
♥ Movies
♥ Dates

♥ Loathe

Hypocrites
Backstabbers
Betrayers
Gossiping
Debates
Criticisms
Love triangles
Marriage
Fast foods

♥ Desires

Freedom
Top10 in class
Unlimited money t spend
No curfew
More time t hang out
More pets!
Change for th better
Get t Sec4 Express

♥ Chains

2O1'O8
3O1'O9
Aiko
Alvin/Pegasi
ChengBoon
Chiwen/PurplePixies
Claud
Daniel
Felicia
Grace
Janice/MissyJANx3
Jeanne
JiaYuan
Kenneth
Marc/zxDarkFlamexz
Melissa
Naruto
Nicholas
Pavithra
PingFang
SamuelTeo
Sequoias Guild Blog
Shaun/x3Crisis
Shirley
Shuean
Simon
Terencee/xXxXShadowxX
Vanessa
WeiLiang
XinYi
XinYu
Yaozhi
YunTing/Krugal93
ZiLing/JuniorPixie


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