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Healing a broken heart ♥ Monday, August 31, 2009
at 7:21 PM每天都提心吊胆的，
有点累了。。。 再也不原意去相信別人。 因为对自己沒有信心， 也对他沒有信心 其实，自知可能性不大， 但卻要试，真傻。。！ 希望你做得到， 你因该心思思很久了吧？ 現在你可以為所欲為了， 我想管沒辦法呢{：。 没有我的日子很好过吧？ 一切都是你一手造成的. 现在很好受吧? 看到我跟美国人在一起就天天烦死人? 我不是这样的人. 是你逼我的. Max杨仪凤你也太差进了吧? 你跟我的前男友根本没有差别. 有话不会说,想爱又不敢去爱. 只会吞吞吐吐,没勇气说出真心话. 窝囊废.WIMP. 没忪的男人. 你到底是不是男人?还是个女人? 真瞧不起这种没旦的男孩. 去死吧. I hate guys like you. I won't hook it up when you lose t me academically. But losing t me in studies is alr a very shameful thing {: . Now you don't even have th guts t talk t me? You're really a good for nothing. Please remember that it is the cowardness that I broke up with my ex. If you want t be like him, go ahead and be a wimp. You should really know your limits, honestly. Leave me alone, you're th one that said you DON'T LOVE ME. And now you're making up a huge mess and saying I'm th fucking one. It is ENOUGH. My heart's no longer w. you. You broke it, you killed it endlessly. Can't you be happy for me? I'm single. Not like I'm attached or what. Going out doesn't mean we're together. 你真的是生在福中不知福. 你还想要什么?我都把自己给你了. 还不满意吗?你有完没完? There's no need for you t act cool infront of me. Because I've totally seen your true colors. It's of no use anymore. Really. Once th feeling fades, it can no longer be found back. I don't want you. I seriously don't. To put it in an uglier way, I don't need you in my life. I no longer want you as my boyfriend, I don't need you to come back t me. I don't even want t be friends w. you! I HATE YOU THOROUGHLY. You make me wince w. disgust everytime I see you. You made me ashamed of myself. It's what you did to me four months ago. Don't push your boundaries. Don't test my temper. I can love you obsessively and devotedly. But you cross th line. YOU MADE ME A TOY. I can also make your life living hell. Just like how I felt. I gave you a chance t come back. I knew that your heart's confused that moment. But it doesn't work that way. You never cherished th chance I gave continuously. Some people will only treasure when they're abt t lose something they don't want t. Worst of all. SOME PEOPLE. will only REGRET when they've lost it in eternity. Sounds familiar huh? It's your retribution {: . I'm your retribution. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 4:12 PM Fate. Pure fate.
Coming back to sg soon (: ! England was great. Probably one the best time of life yet. Got quite emotional abit today... but.. still.. HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY! <3 - Heather don't you fucking know that I can't be with him? What the hell are you trying to tell him infront of me?! He's inevitably my dance teacher. And what motive do you have trying to tell him: "Go tell Baelia that you want her for your teacher's day present" That so don't go with today's events okay! - Went karaoke-ing with the MEAN girls in college. They sing like Christina Aguilera or Beyonce. For the first time I really had a booze of my life -.- And I woke up with hangover (eww). - My heart's missing him. My heart's thinking of him badly. URGH. What's wrong with me! Can't I just forget him? And I realised my fears are back again... Intimacy with other people. I just went completely stunned and speechless. The moment I looked into his eyes. God damned it. I was at a loss of words. As if I was electrified. Someone tell me what can I possibly do. I really like him, but I really want to escape from reality. Someone please tell me this is just a dream. And that I'll wake up soon. - And something happened earlier. That's funny. I was on the way back to my hostel. And this cute punk walked towards me. Guy : Hey girl, can I have your cellphone number? Me : Uhmm, no I suppose, *grabs George's hand and hold it*, sorry I'm occupied. Guy : *rolls eye, shrugged and walked away* That was so eff-ing epic LA. And guess what. Me & George : *pretending to walk away like a couple* -After some distance back then- Me : *Looks at my hand and let go nervously* Me : *Tried to walk with a faster pace away from George* -I dare not look back. My heart was beating too fast for me to react.- George : *Runs closer and holds back my hand* Me : *Shocked* Me : *Pulls hand away*, Sorry... th..this is only an act.. - THAT. WAS. THE. MOST. HEART. POUNDING. MOMENT. EVER. - Guess there's nothing I can do except to play along with this major facade. I'm sorry but I don't think we fit each other. I'm not gonna talk to you, I'll only post. Because I know that by the time you're free, I'll be long gone. Busy with the chicks and Royal Variety uh? It's okay. There's no need for an apology. You've always been as busy as a bee. Before I came into your life, you were like this too. No point saying sorry when you don't even know what I need. (again). You're so busy, there's no need to know what I'm troubled with. We ain't suitable. Not at all. And that's that. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Sunday, August 30, 2009
at 7:14 PMI'm doubting myself now...
I'm afraid of the past. I'm unsure of the current. I'm dreading the future... What should I do... Is this really us or is this just me? Is this just my own imagination and wishful thinking? I must be crazy. But what can possibly explain my dreams and the occurrences? The answers never found me... Help me.. I'm drowning in my world of nightmarish illusions.. Sorry I ran away just now. I just couldn't reply your question. Maybe I'm running away from my real fears.. I have no courage to tell you the truth.. For now. I'll tell you the truth now, alright? I'm leaving this place. Although it has bore a lot of forsaken yet sweet memories.. Of me and you.. Even though we were so naive. - Back then when I went out with you and your family, I felt a cozy feeling which I've never felt like in a long time. I went to England for a better place to study.. And that's the place I saw you for the first time. It felt warm watching you and your friends together. Even though you're mean to them, they'll still stick by you. ... But why? I wonder.. It was not long after I've known that, I have fallen in love.. (again)... At first I only wanted to get near you to see what's so different about you. What made you so different from all your friends. But after awhile, spending time with you started to get fun.. It was the first time I felt like this for a long time. That is why I admire you so much... Even though I know I'm just a little foreigner. I know I don't deserve this. But I was happy. Getting to know your parents was.. nervously fun. Sort of like a. Family reunion to me. I never had a completely harmonious family. And that was why I started to be blinded by love.. again. I wanted to further carry on in the first place. But I realised that I could no longer do that.. I'm too deeply wounded.. by my pasts.. And I don't want to hurt you like I did to my ex(s). And so. I chose to runaway the moment you asked me whether I have feelings for you or not. What about your fans, what about Milli? They belong to you. I don't. I'm just a foreigner. And I just got to know you. You're every single thing. Rich, decent, kind, outgoing. But then I just seem to know that I don't deserve YOU. - Remember the first day I met you on the streets? You were streetdancing. And I was watching with my friends. You were the one who taught me breakdancing and streetdancing. Even though I ended up with my whole body injured and sore, I was happy. Cos' you gave me a feeling that made me felt warm. You said, "Hi, how do you do?" And I couldn't even understand what're you saying. Because I'm not used to your type of accent. And I made a fool of myself. Haah. What dorks. But everytime I looked into your eyes. You just made my heart race. To tell you honestly, I'm able to let go of my memories, it's all becos' of you. Now you've became my strength, I'm not letting you become my weakness. And end up like me and max did. Never. And so, I've chosen to leave and escape from reality. Just cos' I've fallen in love with you, that I have to leave. I don't deserve this. Go back to Milli. She understands you. She's more compatible in every aspect. Look at me. I don't even get what you're trying to say.. And Milli? She suits to be your girlfriend. She understands you, she knows you more than I do. She was there right from the beginning, and I wasn't. Being in a love triangle hurts, so I'm returning you to Milli... I'm leaving for sure. - It's nice knowing you, really. Deep from my heart I want to say a thank you, for being my first caucasian crush. (haah, yeaps.) Thanks for being there for me when I'm at my lowest. I'm sorry I couldn't repay your kindness. I'll always remember you~ I'll always smile when I think of you (: honestly. But what can I do, is just to say a, "Thank you, sorry, and goodbye." Lastly before I go... I'm proud that I've hang out with you before. While your fans don't even get a chance. And... I've never regretted knowing you. Yes. I love you. But it's too late. Goodbye, George W.Sampson. (I know you're busy. But when you're back and you see this post, I've already vanished from your life. Take care, and farewell.) - Baelia Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 1:38 PM "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!" (actually is my mum's bday)
Went out to celebrate "mothers' day" with Georgy. Cos' coincidentally it's also his mum's bday today XD! I want to say a big "HappyMother'sDay" to my mummy whose not with me (hope you received th parcel I sent) =x. I'm gonna meet George's family for th first time -.- Like wow. I know I've no parents here =x Thanks for 'keeping' me anyway. And... There's nothing between me and George. Will tell you more about my weird dreams (yes again) later. There's one thing I find it funny. Won't his fans be unhappy about it? LOLS, I'll leave that for the later post. Going out with Georgy and his family XD! - Epilogue : Tell me why, the reason for these dreams? Is it really my imagination or is a hint? Now I know whose that unknown and mysterious QJ. M G Q -.- Is this all? Will there be more dreams? Are they trying to reveal something about my future? -.- I wonder what are they trying to tell me. Really unexpected. But the last guy was George. LOLS. Rather impossible. He's a HUGE star. (I know, I know. Don't tell me more.) Probably just pranks that my mind played on me. {: -Out with George- Back around 3am. AST. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 12:13 AM ♥ Will you dance in the fire? ♥
Cast aside your fears because I'm here. We've/They've tried our/their bests. There's nothing to scare. It's just the results. There's nothing special anyway. Yeah. I'm coming back soon. This period while I'm gone I actually learnt a little Swedish XD Knowing some languages that others don't, makes me feel really special. I'm pretty surprised that GWS is a cancer =x LOLS. (Don't kill me if you're reading this, George). I find cancer guys attractive XD they're always so moody and cute. My friends say that... (no offence though =X) Aries guys are blur/always makes mistakes because they're hot headed. Taurus guys are stupid/hesitant because they resemble a bull (slow). Gemini guys are flirty/*curvy* because they're half-lings/bisexual. Cancer guys are usually short and muscular due to their crabby nature. Leo guys are known to be born leaders because of their eternal optimism. Virgo guys are a woman's man as they inherited the Virgo's compassion. Libra guys are happy yet moody as their balance can prove to be low and high. Scorpio guys are extremely superstitious and wooden headed. Sagittarius guys are CUPIDS because they're arrows and on fire. Capricorn guys are just like husbands, they can be reared like goats. Aquarius guys are super sensitive, they'll *overflow* when they're full. Pisces guys likes to escape/runaway from reality as they only have scales. What warped perception of the twelve beings of zodiac! Hahahaaaa XD I find it funny though =X. That time while I'm overseas, while I was alone on a bus, a guy chased from behind. So... I asked my friend... Me : "That guy's running after the bus, what should we do?" Heather : "Nothing! What do you think he is?" Me : "What you mean?" Heather : "He must be a Taurus, stupid to run after a bus!" Me : "He's more like an Aries since he likes to run." Heather : "HAHAHA. You're always so mean." There. LOLS. Horoscopes are soooooo interesting XD! - News Flash on my love life : Hmm. Would it be extraordinary if I said I dreamt about M-- and Q-J--? To tell you more exactly I dreamt of M-- coming back to me. But at th same time, I'm attached to Q-J-- (I'm not in real life). AND... Guess what. Q-J-- almost kissed me in a room... But... That was the time my sleep was interrupted =x... I know some of you must be damn happy T>T"! What does this means? Is it a premonition or is this just plainly a dream? Hell, it's the second time I dreamt of Q-J-- -.-... AND. I really met him on the bus stop. WHAT THE HELL. Fate's playing games on me. At first it's that bastard M--. Second this unknown Q-J--. T>T" dying... Who could it be? From TWO possible guys.. it increased to FOUR -.-... I don't want so much choices.. I just want one. Because I don't wanna make th wrong choice AGAIN. S...Q...Q...M... *faint* This is so making me SQUIRM. Ol' Mighty Lord, art thou playing games with me? I seek your guidance and assistance. I crave peace and th one that's meant to be. ... But I have a revelation that. The one I'm meant to be with has already passed me. It has ENDED bitterly. Does this means that I'm staying single for life? Sigh. Stupid meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Stupid M--. Why must you be th one? I don't want you! Vanish from my life! I don't want to be fated with you! - I'm still waiting for that special someone. I know I'm super dependent. I hate being alone. And I only want that TRUE someone ):! Others can go dieeee XD! I don't want replicas. I want the genuine guy. As I said before I will not wear a shoe twice. I won't possibly go back to my ex(s). Sigh. Guess I have to face the reality aloneeeee. Being single sucks! Caucasian guys rocks. But they're still.. not suitable for me. Ppl say that I'm FLIRTY. But no, they're stupid, I can say. I'm more to a Caucasian girl. Who is more open. But I find it really funny. Because I'm not. I'm someone in between Asian and Caucasian girls. Not too conservated, nor too open. A half breed maybe? The reason why I'm not attracted to angmoh guys is because. For EVERY little things they do to you, they expect you to : Kiss them, hug them, tongue kiss them, touch them. AND EVEN HAVE SEX WITH THEM EVEN THOUGH YOURE UNDERAGE! WHAT THE HELL. Who do you take me as? Your doorman? I rather you leave me alone. I'm not your ordinary loveydovey angmoh girl. FUCK. What's wrong with guys on Earth?! Urgh. First my tragic romance. Now this. Can things be any worse?! I know. Having sex is no big deal anyway. It's just a mind concept. Virginity is pure stupidity. All depends on how you think. You can be promiscuous and still think that you're clean. You can be only molested and think that you're damned dirty. What's the big deal? I'm no chaste girl. But still don't expect me to go around fucking and having sex with anyone. I think I've said before : The ultimate proof for a virgin. Is the bloodstained bedsheet which enshrines your chastity. And it's the tears that you wept that confirmed you're no longer one. I know because I've gone through it. And I think you know what that means. Sigh. I think I'm gonna say till here. Now I don't feel like having that special someone entering my life. I've grew fond of being single. I enjoy my freedom. And I'm afraid to love. I'm scared that I love just to feel secured -.-... Hais. This is it. I'm sorry I still can't go back to you. I don't care what we did before. Just take those things I gave to you as farewell gifts. We know we were wrong to do that in th first place. It's a mistake right from the start. Because of this I'm more determined to leave you. Since we all know it's a mistake, why carry on? As I said. Virginity is just a mind concept. I won't dwell on it too much. You don't have to feel sorry or guilty either. I don't need your sympathy. Although in th first place you forced me. But in th end I still gave it to you willingly. So there's no need for you to be sorry. It was my choice. A mistake I made. I shouldn't have done that out of love. Alright enough. I'm not saying anymore. But leave me alone for now. We've already reached the end. Let go of my hand and walk our separate ways. It wouldn't be fair to me if I stay with you just because I left something of mine in you. Don't you think that it's time for us to repent? Don't you feel shameful when that bloodstain still resides on your bed? You don't. But I do. The end is the end. No further. That's all I can say about me and you. FULLSTOP. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Friday, August 28, 2009
at 9:45 PMCommon test : Day 5/Last day.
The anxiety is killing every of the schoolmates. On the verge of dying to know our results. Some ppl are dying to know that they've passed. Others are hoping for better grades and near perfection. Ppl like me are just waiting for my death to come. I sat for 7 papers in school. Humanities - Social Studies/Geography First language - English Tertiary language - Chinese Arithmetics - E-mathematics Combined sciences - Chemistry/Physics I took Malay, conversational/elementary Japanese, and pure Biology. Outside school, without Biology practicals. Malay - 81/105 Japanese - 93/115 Biology - 83/100 SEVEN papers sat in SCHOOL. THREE papers sat in PRIVATE COLLEGE. TEN devastating results. FIVE agonizing results left to decipher and walk my fate... - Current NewsFlash : news on my love life. Still single. But I got a feeling that something's appearing. Not much to say today. - Still as ready as ever. But I hurt myself today. Scraped my knees slightly and twisted my left arm while playing badminton with SamuelGoh =.=". Well, it isn't THAT bad. Training with guys. At least in comparison I find him a better opponent than NicholasNg. That NICKY smacks too hard. No fun. High ball rocks XD! - Oh well. Got to scram. Watching midnight movies. Toodles darlings. Citius for George Sampson. LOVES. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Thursday, August 27, 2009
at 5:49 PM我知道我不该那么做.
可是我想做个干脆的了断. 我不管我是不是伤到你, 我想我该让你知道. 不,不用了.别再做傻事. 感觉已失去了,就真的找不回来了. 我没骗你.我真的深爱过你. 但..当你说你已经不爱我的那时候, 我已经死了.变得没有感觉. 不再是活生生的人了. 现在回到我的生边,何必呢? 如果你真的爱我,你就不会离开. 别玩弄我们之间的爱情了. 我们的故事已经结束了. 不可能再像回忆那样. 今天的我,是你一手造成的. 别问为什么.我不会在爱上你. 当初,你能随随便便地把我当成是透明似的. 你已经让我深深对你断绝了每一首希望. 对不起. 我们不可能再是曾经的 仪讽与丽晶... 长痛不如短痛.何必呢? 现在彼此的伤害,值得吗? 你只会自我中心.根本不把我放在眼里. 我是不会回去的.放弃吧. 这首悲惨的爱情故事已经到了完结篇.. 不再有下一次... 也许是我还在害怕你吧. 或者是,我真的不爱你了. 对不起.我们只能协手走到这里. 你我人生的下一步,独生自走吧. 放开我的回忆,放开我对你破碎的爱. 擦干心里的眼泪,勇敢向前往开一步... 望了我们曾有过的回忆吧. 抱歉了,请放开我的手. 我不再属于你.你也不再是我的了. 如果我能放开一切,我相信你也行. 我们曾经爱过彼此... 爱一个人,不容易. 怎样面对一切,我们也不知道. 我们还是好朋友,不是吗? 别开口,忍着点. 悲恸就会渐渐离开... 要好好的活... 开心的过每一个日子... 爱你的晶晶已经死了. 12 August. Live on with the memories... Learn from your mistakes, but never regret. Although I'm gone in the end, always remember, people changes, things go wrong. we're still here, and life goes on... ♥ 12 August .. ; 你是个好男人.更是个好爱人... 别为了我而糟蹋自己.不值得. 我们的心,永远难料. 愿下世,在做你的终生伴侣... Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Wednesday, August 26, 2009
at 6:07 PMHey guys. I'm only gonna make a short and quick post today.
I'm in a hurry to revise every little single thing I could. Day 3 of Common Test. Flunked Humanities and Maths obviously. Tomorrow is my Physics paper. I'm so gonna get a pass at least. I must. And I won't lose to them again. Madam Cheng once told me: See the beauty in physics, don't you feel good about knowing something which others don't bother to? And when you're clever enough you can show off your knowledge to them. But remember to say humble enough. Complacency is the road to failure. Pride can be your greatest downturn because pride always goes before a fall. Make use of the time remaining, and strike at least a pass. Think of why you came to school, why you sat for examinations. Not for fun, but for your future. Your altitude depends on your attitude. So quick, don't waste anymore time, get on working and make use of your time now. - Now then I know the true good intentions of that old lady. Sorry. I'll do my best even if I know it's too late now. -Jing. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Monday, August 24, 2009
at 8:53 PMSAMUEL GOH! DON'T GIVE UP!
The whole world can give you up, but you can never give up on yourself! Those that fails aren't failures. A real failure is someone who gives up on himself! I know you're not! You never was and never will be. Remember this! Your real opponent is not the top students! Your real enemy is yourself! Your real motive is not to get all pass or all A1s! Your real mission is to outsoar yourself! XD In life, no one can be your biggest challenge but yourself. It is only those that can try with their best and exceed themselves. I know you can do it, anyone could. The truest victory goes to those who gave their all and their best. I believe you can do it! XD Just believe in yourself! Give yourself a chance. Don't doubt your ability. You've made it that far, are you going to give up? Even if you chose to give up, there will always be friends who will lend you their wings XD! They're always there. They're like DIAMONDS. True friends can't be made. They have to be found. Discover that rare gem in yourself SAMUEL GOH! Treasure while you still can. There's always a chance. And it's never too late. Never too late to start. But it's always too early to end. I'm not giving up on your studies as well. I wanna play my role as a friend. Just take it as a challenge. Grooming mediocres to successors. Do it. For yourself. - Jing Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 7:13 PM Hey people {: .
I'm back from FIRST day of the common tests. English was a killer. But I hope I can pass {: . It seems so long since I've passed any subjects. Finally scored an A2 in my MATHS XD! I got 72.5/100 xP! It was like. WHAO-WEE. I did it when I thought I couldn't even pass. It shows that I'm in luck. But I hope I can maintain consistence =x. AND I FINALLY GOT MY DEARDEARDEAR SCORPIO HOROSCOPE BOOK! Oh god. It costed me around 78 bucks. It's genuine okay! I'm so gonna take it as my bible/guardian for this whole year. Finally a life saviour in my life. Tomorrow I'll be having my Humanities test. Gonna be lots of brainstorming and writing. Good luck for all my precious schoolmates. It was. Like in a million years before this came. I can't believe I was in such dire misery before I *awoke*! I'm in luck! Hey, I really do believe I'm. My horoscope says that I'll meet a special someone 2 days later. Which is on Wednesday, August 26. I wonder who'd that be. Or is this just a joke. I have 2 person in mind. One. I don't know so much about him and I'm not sure. Two. I'm not sure too and I've no confidence. Will he be one of them? Or... would he appear into my life like some sort of drama shows?! Only time will tell. I wanna know too. Honestly =x. But now, let me have a peaceful final revision for my tests. Hopefully I can scrape through. I have always been inconfident and scared of Humanities. I don't know much about N. Ireland or Sri. Lanka. Nor the reasons for the neverending spatial conflict. Does intuition helps in tests? Haah {: . Weeeeeeeell. Toodles. I'm waiting for your appearance in my life, but I will not seek. Foreseek me, succeed and enshrine my love inside your life. Dissipate my doubts, antagonize my paranoia, metamorph my nightmare, and prove to me that you'll always be there. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Saturday, August 22, 2009
at 11:51 PM感觉一旦失去了,就找不回来.
放手是唯一的选择. 最近很迷茫,失魂落魄的. 一直在想对你最好的做法, 但是卻按捺不住自己心裡的感受. 其实心裡还是很紧张你, 時刻想知道你还安康吗, 想知道你有沒有按時食饭.. 什么都想知道... 可是我知道这样会让你痛苦.. 所以我选择了一條让我更痛的路... 爱一個人, 原來真的要学會放手. 雖然会痛, 可是如果这样做会让你好过, 看到你幸福, 我就开心,满足了. 既然我們都找不到平衡點， 那只好放轻一点， 这样才不会跌得重。 玩出火了. 很后悔.. 心已经痛到沒感觉了, 很想佔有, 可是全都沒有了... 请大家好好珍惜身边的人, 再次失去,才学懂珍惜... 人就是那么犯戒, 永远不会顾別人的感受, 只會自我中心. 好像我这样的人永远也不会有好結果, 最后都只会受伤 开始觉得生活沒有意义了... 沒有寄托...什么都沒有. 很諷刺...自己一直以为自己做得很好, 可是原來一直以來都忽略了身边最重要的人的感受. 真的,真的很后悔.. 我会想你的...永远也会. 也许我还放不下吧. 或者是我还在牵挂着回忆. 我网看了我们曾有过的美满时段, 觉得好可惜.可是这也是我犯的错. 我对他人要负责... 还在徘徊着..该不该那么做呢? 一个人面对这种生活困苦..不好受. 等我的泪流完,花也械了. 放手真不容易.要我当着没事发生过更加困难. 生边每次都觉得空空的. 像是属于我的东西被拿走似的. 像他这样的男孩很难找... 万人之上... 如果当初我没回到他的生边就好了! - 网络的男友,怎么也不必生边的最爱跟重要呀. 我真傻!可是现在后悔有什么用? 无路可走了.不能回头. 只好过单生生活吧. 我能放手,我知道我行的. 我并不需要时间.我也不需要你的安慰. 跟不需要其他男人的关怀. 我只爱他. 除非你告诉我,你是我生命的天使. 可是我会觉得那是一派胡言!~ 看看有那个男孩能忍受我的脾气吧. 要我吃回头草,是不可能的. 感情一旦失去了,就找不回来. 我也曾对前男友说, 当你等到我醒来时,我已经不爱你了. 我变心了.也许是你我的错. 我对你的无奈.发现我不再对你有爱感. 我并不要求他高大威猛. 只想它能牵就我. 样子并不重要.但我偏偏喜欢会放电的男孩. 不是每个男孩都能让我谜的神魂颠倒. 也许>你<就不是我要找的终生伴侣. 是你的就是你的,谁也夺不走. 不是你的,永远也不会是. 放弃吧. know your limits. 癞蛤蟆想吃天鹅肉. 跟你就像是... 鲜花插在牛粪上! 照照镜子,去死吧~! Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 8:38 PM Love is just like quicksand.
Leave it within your fingers and there it stays. Clutch it if you can and it darts away. I still miss the memories now. but I've let go. and I find it funny when people say that love is useless. Not exactly. In a way or another. How do you compare the euphoria you experience, when you get all A1, and you get a high salary job and yet you're alone at home. And, when you're poor. But you have a loved one beside you. The feeling is different, for all you know. Money isn't everything. Love isn't everything either. But at some point in life you'll need someone there. Cos' no matter how strong you are, you can still be troubled by matters of the heart. I'm sure a lot of people agree. Because they've been through it. Unlike you. Insensitive and rude. Uncaring and preceded. It's time you consider not to be a slave of the government and your boss. Working day and night just for money and promotions. Is that your "so-called" life motive? Do you find it happy when you return to a home alone? You find that something is already missing from the start. And in life, I find, but to no avail, and I fail, to find that special someone to be by my side. Some say it's effortless. Yet some say you need to put in effort. Some say it's natural. Yet you still have to consider fate. Some say it's spontaneous, but nonchalant people ends up being single. I think that you really need to work hard for what you want. In the end, what matters most is what you've put in, not yourself or whoever. And I know, we know, he knows that I've/We've tried our best. Trying to save a relationship isn't easy, everyone knows that. It's a wrong decision I've made in the past, I have to account for that. And that's the reason why, I tried. The operational words here are, "I tried". Trying guarantees no success or failure. It could go either way. And seemingly it's fated that my life is to go another way. The only way is to let go and live on with the memories. People have been saying, doubting my ability to live on. I doubted myself too. But, too, I find it really hard to die. It's funny why people die so easily and suddenly. And in contrary how tardy I was facing death in the face. Maybe it's a new chance for me. I know wherever, over the edges of the horizon, there's that special someone. Who can morph this nightmare of mine. Whether in the end I found him or not, it's all meant to be. So, no rush. But. Some people keep asking me whether I believe in astrology. Here's the answer: Yes I do. Fuck those who doesn't. Astrology plays a part in you. Whoever you are. Your personality, your traits, even your physical appearances. Is totally or spatially linked. To astrology. I believe. It's all in the stars, right? Can't you see that I'm a typical Scorpio? Use your brains. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Friday, August 21, 2009
at 5:33 PMI'm officially over this damsel in distress thingy.
Mark my words, over him, over memories, over the pre-myself. CANCER, it's time for you to see who I really am. My true colors which you've NEVER seen when I was your girlfriend. Die collapsed in my poisons. A new life begins. Baelia is finally single again! Single life rocks, FREEDOM! No MAXimum limit to go, No latest time to report to my boyfriend (boss). No one to irritate me! I AM. BUT A FOOLISH GIRL. with the only goal in her heart ~ Th rain may come, th sun may set, but there's something she will never regret ~ I'll never find love again. Find me if you want me. Leave me alone if you're a coward or a wimp. Ignore me if you're a bastard. Hate me if you're a daredevil. I've finally discovered how beautiful the morning sun is. I'm a fish that breathes off coast! I'm a bird who could walk! I'm a girl who could love! You see; Everything comes to an end. Void would be our utmost eternity. Death gets nearer to us every fickling moment. I'll never fall prey to love AGAIN. Taking this as a lesson, my scars as a fleshy monument, my eternal regrets as a reminder to keep me away from peril. I'm back. Harder. Bigger. Badder. Stronger. And I await my obstacles. Bring them on because. I'll still prevail in the end. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Tuesday, August 18, 2009
at 7:12 PMAnother gloomy day of crying.
Look, even the sky is shedding its tear for me. I'm the stupid fish who fought without its fins. The stupid fish who fought with a kingfisher. And lost... I wished this was all just a joke. Really. So cruel.. He was the judge of my heart.. He sentenced me to life imprisonment.. Just because of a small mistake I made. All I need is you. I need you. You know I would give my life up for anything in return. And you walked past me, as if I'm wasn't a big part of your life before. As if I'm invisible. Every girl must go through this painful cycle. Which all arguments all ended up in blood and tear shed... Now I really want to take back my words. And tell you again that I'll never let you go... Be it you like it or not.. It's the only way I can survive. You seem to move on without me easily... I feel so inferior. I feel so pathetic when I cried for you. Now I know that I had never been a part of you. I'm an outcast. Or at least it's what you made me feel like. I feel so.. useless. When I'm not the reason for your smile. When I'm the person you wanted to avoid all along. Really. Although I still love you. Deeply as ever. I hope that you can soon find your girlfriend. Or soulmate. At least this sooner or later fact can put an end to me. Do you know you're the reason I go to school everyday? Do you know how painful it is, to sit on the same spot you left me? In the library, on the bus, where you left and hinted me you'll be leaving. Do you even still remember our first kiss? Although it was just an accident? I'd never forget that. I know you already forgotten them. You're the reason I smiled and cried. You're the reason for the rain and rainbow in my sky. The reason which made me alive. Till now. I really don't know how long I can survive... Do you know how much I miss the moment when we're at the cold room? IT'S THE PLACE YOU BROUGHT ME INTO YOUR WORLD... It's the very place.. You gave me your ring. But now... You just sentenced me to a DEATH sentence. Is there really no second chance? Is fate really so cruel to me? How do you expect me to live on... When you cut away my fins when I'm a fish. When you took away my wings when I'm a bird. When you blinded and crippled me when I'm a GIRL. Do you know how much you meant to me? Do you really know how much I LOVE YOU? No you would NEVER know. Because I no longer dares to talk to you. Because I'm afraid that I would cry infront of you. Because I'm scared that you would know MY WEAKNESS. YOU ARE MY BIGGEST WEAKNESS. I want to take back my words. I will NEVER let go. NEVER give up. But I have no courage to say this to you... Cos' I've done wrong in the first place.. I guess there's really no second chance for me. You've destroyed all hopes of a reincarnated soul. I need you. I really do. You took away my pride and dignity. You took away all my love and left me alone. You even took me away from myself. Flashes of memories of you formed a black and white rainbow in my mind. Minutes before my death I am reminded of the sweet moments. Seconds before my death your kisses came back as reminiscents... Within a split second, a murderous transition of the heart occurred, I'm no longer alive at heart. But that very moment before my actual death, that very memory of what happened in your house came swamping back, draining all the remaining life off me. I'll never forget what you did to me on your bed. Never. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Sunday, August 16, 2009
at 6:39 PMSorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ |
♥ Search ♥ Yours truly   Baelia Alistair Pan. Single/ I'll NEVER be available! My heart's preoccupied I'm currently 15 Queensway Sec Scorpio 14 November's my birthday! I'm a crybaby Mad about LOVE Don't step over my limit She loves to sing! I'm fun! I like to play! Divided in two Blur as a sotong I needs lots of love and concern I'm just like a cat :D I love attention <3 Dont judge me from the outside Cause you dont understand ME . ♥ Loves ♥ Freedom ♥ Cookies ♥ Cheese ♥ Chocolates ♥ Chilli ♥ Movies ♥ Dates ♥ Loathe Hypocrites Backstabbers Betrayers Gossiping Debates Criticisms Love triangles Marriage Fast foods ♥ Desires Freedom Top10 in class Unlimited money t spend No curfew More time t hang out More pets! Change for th better Get t Sec4 Express ♥ Chains 3O1'O9 Aiko Alvin/Pegasi ChengBoon Chiwen/PurplePixies Claud Daniel Felicia Grace Janice/MissyJANx3 Jeanne JiaYuan Kenneth Marc/zxDarkFlamexz Melissa Naruto Nicholas Pavithra PingFang SamuelTeo Sequoias Guild Blog Shaun/x3Crisis Shirley Shuean Simon Terencee/xXxXShadowxX Vanessa WeiLiang XinYi XinYu Yaozhi YunTing/Krugal93 ZiLing/JuniorPixie ♥ Make some noise! ♥ Dance t th music!
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at 7:21 PM