♥ SetyouFREE.

Healing a broken heart ♥

at 10:19 PM

Back from competition and bathing (: .
Uhhms. Gonna talk abt what happened today.
Today was scary. There were 5 judges instead of 3!
And all 5 judges I've never seen before!
1 particular judge scared mea really -.-.
Another judge just sat there with his leg up, like drinking coffee in kopitiam, no respect LA!

So.. I think this was what happened...

Me : *Walks into the room*
Judge1 : Hello. What's your name?
Me : Baelia Pan.
Judge1 : So what does this mean to you?
Me : Another chance for me to earn more to pay for my lessons.
Judge1 : What are you here for?
Me : To sing.
Judge1 : Okay. Start when you're ready.
Me : *Signals OK to the person controlling music*

-sings-

Judge1 : Unexpected. You've got a huge voice for a little body. Speechless, I don't know what to say. Unbelievable. I'll definitely vote you for this round.
Me : Thanks!

Judge2 : Wow Baelia. You've got a special voice for a small girl like you. But...
Judge2 : Let me tell you, a good singer is a good singer. Maybe you've gotten a habit from singing at clubs, if you're talented, you're talented!
Me : *smiles*
Judge2 : The first impression you gave me when you walked in was that you're very scared of us, you're a little inconfident. But now I just want to see some self-belief in you, tell yourself you can make it, because I think you surely can make it far.
Judge2 : It's obviously a yes from me, sweetheart.
Me : Thanks!

Judge3 : Let me repeat what Sabrina(Judge2) said. You're inconfident. You have no self-belief. How did you think you did?
Me : *thinks that this is bad...*
Me : I don't know. I've never cared, I just want to sing.
Judge3 : Yes, that's the attitude, my girl. If you're good, you're good. There's no need for doubts as they can affect you.
Judge3 : Let me tell you, you did pretty well. And there's no need for you to be scared.
Judge3 : Trust yourself, or if not at least trust me. You hear it from me, you're good.
Me : Thank you!

Judge4 : So Baelia, you sang "My heart will go on by Celion Dion", wow I think, you might possibly be, the best 14-year-old little Celine. How did you get your voice?
Me : *laughs shyly*
Judge4 : This is incredible. Just fantastic. I've absolutely nothing to say. Only if I should be stricter, I'll say that you've got a perfect voice, but you'll need to work on your stable tones. Some parts of the song, your voice is quavering a little and that's not going to sound very smooth. But relax, it's only one or two, I think you still can make it because you sing good. You're probably one of the bests here, I'm saying a yes too.
Me : *smiles* Thank you!

Judge5 : You made my day. I'm sorry for the kind of attention I gave you just now. It has been a LONG day with lots of terrible terrible singing from those participants and we're all very tired.
Me : No, it's okay actually. *smiles*
Judge5 : I think you'll make it quite far. You really could. Do you have a vocal coach or something?
Me : No, I don't. I've never had a vocal coach, not for now anyway. Maybe getting one in the later parts of my life.
Judge5 : Wow you're amazing. Did you find some way to coach yourself or something? When did you start singing?
Me : I learnt to sing like other people, then I moved on to create my own styles and find my own strengths in singing. I started singing when I was about 1 years old, nursery rhymes to pop songs. I love singing and the sound of music, they just make me feel like I'm in heaven.
Judge5 : This is it. I don't know if I'll go to heaven, but if I make it there, I think all the angels are going to look like you.
Me : Thanks!

-

Judge1 : So, for the moment of truth. Is it a yes, or a no?
Judge2-4 : Yes, absolutely.
Judge5 : No.
Judge1 : *Looks confused*
Judge5 : I'm not going to disappoint you, it's a definite yes.

Me : *Smiles & jumps up in elation* Thank you very much!

-In the lobby-

Me : This is so cool, 2 judges actually frightened me!
Me : Again, nothing can describe me, I'm feeling excited all over!

-

That's all for now.
Now wish me luck for round 4!
Oh silly me, I don't need luck.
I need skills, yeah that's what I need.

Thank you very much once again! And stay tuned!

Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥

at 10:06 PM

不，我不要。

There's no need anymore.
I won't love someone who takes me for granted.
I will no longer be your toy when you're bored.
I will not be here anymore.

And I walked away, I never look back.
Because I know, it's a th end of a new beginning.

I've gotten over you,
I've forgotten about YOU!
I've pardoned all th things you did t hurt mea,
I've let go, I've forgiven you. And I've left.

-

My heart has found another.
I'm no doubt a person who needs oxygen.
When oxygen runs out, I'll do anything t survive.

He's better. Even though he doesn't really love mea.
It'll be fine for mea t keep this love silent.

The way you not live your life is a pathetic reality.
Jaunt further, never returning.

-

I liked him ever since he looked mea in th eyes and told mea.

"加油，你行的。"

I believe I can too.

-Update on my results later-

Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥

at 2:11 AM

I'm currently having a big fever...
My voice had gone down... Cos' I ate too much mints today =.="..
My mum was saying...

"Ahjing, no more water for you, drink dilute lemonade instead!"

Oh ): How sour.
*Coughs* =.=" Oh god my voice has gone rusty...!
Sighhhh ): I'm really unhappy now.

I just realise I'm super sensitive t th words "Maximum",
or anybody's name w. a "Max" inside it =.=".

On streets of Orchard today,
tried t sing t earn money for my dance classes.
Pathetic right. Oh well, that's just life (: .
But, I earn quite a lot :D around 500 sgd?
There was this particular Caucasian guy,
he asked mea whether I'm a club singer,
and obviously I'm not =.="..

LOLS...

):

Since you've been gone, what I can do now,
is just t sit w. my head hanging down...

-

I lost my ability t sing POP songs (temporary I guess?)
But I gained an ability singing JAZZ -.- ...?
AHHHHH. I'm insane!

Not much for today.. Had a major hangover..
Guess I'll update more tomorrow...

Th competition is drawing near..
Hopefully I'll make it through.
Cos.. Besides th final round, round 2&3 is th hardest yet.

Cos it decide whether you carry on, or you end your journey in singing entertainment industry.

Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥

at 3:06 AM

I'm sorry I wounded myself out of exasperation again.
Haah, no I'm not emo. I'm bored.
It's 3.47 in th morning and I'm doing nothing.

I'm thinking...
I've officially met him on March 20...
I met him on February 14, 2008... but we were only strangers.
Before that we were just strangers only walking pass ea other...
And ending up doing things only a couple would do...
And becoming back strangers again =.="...

Wow. It was gone in a blink of an eye, I just realised.
It flew away before I even knew I had th chance t grab it.
Never there will be a chance t relive back th old past.

There will never be another opportunity.
Half a year has passed since I known him...
It seemed so fast and insignificant.

But honestly speaking. He's a major part of my life.
He'll always be. That's so different.
Now, thinking back from secondary 2, all those memories..
From strangers... To acquaintances... To secret admirers...
To dates... To lovers... Finally to a couple.
Th things we did.. Th words you said bring smiles t my face.
Th places we walked on, what you told mea...
Th places you brought mea t explore in Singapore.
Really funny. I'm a local and I needed a Cambodian t bring mea around.
Guess I'm really dependent on you huhs?.
I'm so used t th feeling of security you've given mea.

Ever wonder why we didn't last?
It was before we've only known each other for 1 day before we got together.
And yeah, you didn't turn out t be who I wanted you t be.

Th past was really awesome, I must admit.
But we met a raging storm which tore us apart.
Left mea salvaging my life in th boundless sea,
and you aimless because I was your shining star.
It crippled both of us emotionally.

Maybe it's a test from heaven.
Or maybe we're really not meant t be together.
I tried going back t you and giving you a chance.
But it seems like now, I'm only something t keep you away from boredom.
You'll only talk t mea when you're bored or have nothing t do.

What has came in between us?
Are you scared, do you have something hindering you?

I had a relevation yesterday.
Then on my mind was only that I want t go back t you.
But now. I've thought about it for a long time.
I realised, we weren't really suit for each other.
It was a mistake from th start that we insisted.
We didn't listen t fate's advice and ended up getting so hurt.
It may take years for mea t forget you,
but I know you're going t do a good job and be a good guy w.out mea.
What's over just let it be, remember? This was what you told mea.
If I can let go, I think you can too. Because you're a strong guy.

And I was wrong. I thought you were pride-oriented.
But you proved not t be. You asked mea back.
I was never absolutely correct.

Do you still remember these?

"First, I will say sorry. Now let's break bah.. I feel that we're from different worlds. I feel like I don't have any feelings w. you anymore.. I don't know why too but I just know I don't love you anymore.. I'm sorry but I have no choice, I have t say this before I hurt you deeper. Sorry"

"Don't silly.. Your new boyfriend may make you happier. I didn't think that I didn't do anything for you t make you happy. Just give him chance, and just forget mea. Trust mea, trust him, you will forget mea. That's all I can say.. We are friends, remember?"

"Live happily... forget mea."

-

After 2 desperate, emotionally-crippling, miserable, salvaging months,
I've finally learnt t let go w. th help of George.

And now you're telling mea.

-

"There is a question I want to ask you. Is that okay? But after th question, I hope it won't hurt you. So are you ready for my question?"

"If there is a chance for you t come back t mea, will you come back?"

"I'm so silly right. I know th answer will be no but I still asked. Forget it. (: Be happy."

"I don't know too. I feel like I've lost something big. And that something is you."

-

I gave you a good reply. And a better condition.
But sadly you weren't up t my expectations.
My requirements aren't really as high.
But you prove t be unworthy.

"I can come back t you and pretend nothing had happened. But I hope you won't hurt mea like you did."

And you weren't up t my challenge.
That marks th end of a possible comeback.

My smses after that is far colder.
Forgot what I said?

"I've thought abt it for a long time. You were always th one saying sorry. Now I know that I'm at fault all along. I'm selfish, I know because I'm happier like this. And I only wanted myself t be happy. Yes, I like being single. I love th attention all th guys have given mea. You can say I'm being a flirt but I'm just being honest. I think you still love mea. But maybe it's th pain you've caused mea. Th truth is, I've completely given up on you th moment I know you love someone else. Losing mea is nothing big. Be realistic. We've only known each other for 1 day before you ask mea out. It's not going t last long. I'm not dumb, don't try t love mea because we all know that once th feeling is gone, it can never be found back. Maybe we weren't meant t be together. And maybe it's time for you t realise that. We can never be more than strangers. For th first and th last time, sorry.. it's time t go our separate ways."

Although after that I agreed t be your special friend.
Definition : more than friends, less than lovers.

I allow it t be.
But that's where th line ends at.
I've made up my mind, I'm not going back t you.
I don't love you anymore. I once did.
You murdered this love of mine, no point resurrecting it now.
Th person I love, I've left him back in England.
You'll only at most be my friend.

And that's where the line ends at.

Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥

at 1:48 AM

UPDATE! : Change of song choice.

I have decided t change th song.
Unfaithful by Rihanna will be sang for th later rounds.

I'll be singing Who's loving you by Jackson Five.

Why?
Because I'm better in Unfaithful.
Let's sing th lousy ones t go in th easy rounds.
Leave th excellent vocals w th hard ones (: !

Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥

at 12:41 AM

What is love, what is trust?
What is faith, what is patience?
What is jealousy, what is fate?

I don't work for you anymore.
I live a solitary life.
I don't NEED you.

I see pple doing stupid things t themselves, I find that they're so stupid.
Like I once was. SO BLINDED BY LOVE!

Th best love does not come from anyone but ourselves.
Th greatest love of all is trying t love yourself.
Love yourself well and let your instincts lead th way.
Give yourself a sense of pride t make it easier.
Let your memories remind how you used t be.

You can hurt anyone but yourself.
Everyone is selfish, just like love and you and mea.
Do anything t stay alive.

Sacrifice anything t have what you want.
There's no love in this world anymore.
No true love, no true happiness.

Just materialism.

-

Update : I have chosen "my heart will go on - celion dion" and "Unfaithful - rihanna"
t sing for round 2 & 3. Two relatively easy songs.

Still finding vocal coach t tell mea how can I possibly sing th finale duet.

-

I sing.

You judge.

I win.

You admire.

Get down on your knees nooblings.
It's time t show you what my voice can do.

(:

Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥

at 7:03 PM

Hello! Good news :P!
I'm through th first round XD!
THAT AUDITION PLACE GOT REPORTERS DE =.="

Let's see.. What did th 3 judges said?
Can't remember much. But about these.

Judge1 : You're a cocky damsel, I can tell.
Me : *Laugh*
Judge1 : How old are you then?
Me : 14 turning 15.
Judge1 : And you're supposed t do what?
Me : Sing. "When you say nothing at all" by Allison.
Judge1 : Go for it.

-Sings-

Judge1 : Yeah.. You're a cocky little dame aren't you?
Judge1 : Performed for a long time?
Me : Uh. Since I started t speak.
Judge1 : Yes I can tell.

Judge1 : I think that you can become something big someday. You know what telephone number I have right?
Me : *Laughs*
Judge1 : I will definitely vote on you in this competition.
Me: Thanks!

-

Judge2 : This is incredible. Fantastic, I'm almost speechless.
Judge2 : Only if I'm going to be critical in some way this song is very serene, so don't be afraid to take it down a level because you are so very cute and I am sure you could manage to sing any song you would like.
Judge2 : And now as a last comment I would like to ask for your autograph?
Me : *Laughs* Thanks!

-

Judge1 : It must be physically impossible to have so much voice in such a small body as yours.
Me : *o.O*
Judge1 : Fantastic... It would be so easy to send you on in this competition because you are so very cute, but you are so awesome on what you do!
Me : Thanks!
Judge1 : This is talent!
Me : *Laughs* Thank you all very much!

*In the lobby telling th TV crew*

Me : I'm all nervous yet happy!
Me : It's so fun, this is so great, I can't describe this.

-

HAHAHA!

As a last question I wanna ask..
Did I sing well??

I still haven't find a singing class for beginner yet...
=l sigh!

-

Oh ya. That's all for now.
Will be updating on th results of 3-4 rounds (:
WISH MEA LUCK!

Thank you again!

Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥

at 8:04 PM

Sigh, my results were disappointing...

Flunked my geography and english paper.
Tuesday getting back my maths paper.

Physics - 80/100
Chinese - 77/100
Accounting - 73/100

I really tried my best la...
I just came back. What can I possibly do?
I gave my all t study over th night.
I thought of all th exams when I was dancing and ended up hurting my spine.
There's SERIOUSLY a lot t catch up on.
I'm crying I'm crying I'm INSANE!

And he doesn't care and sympathise mea.
Can't he be more sensitive towards mea?
All these are happening and he's telling mea craps.
Can't he put himself in my shoes?!

I'm on th verge of collapsing.
Family problems. Study problems. Discipline problems.
Driving mea crazy...

-

It is said that he's th one.
It is said that he will change mea for th better.
It is said that he fits mea totally.

BUT HE JUST DIDN'T!
I'm pissed talking t him because he doesn't care!
He's only concerned abt his innocence and plight.
What abt mea?! I'm enduring!
Yeah I don't really love him anymore.
I love G. Not M.

I'm talking abt my problems. And he's telling mea he's hungry.
I'm asking him what would he like for his bday present.
AND HE SWITCHES SUBJECT @(#$&@#($@
F-U-C-K la.

Go die!
For th next 5 days I'll be ignoring HIM!
I'll ignore him till he talks t mea himself!
BASTARD!

Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥

at 7:52 PM

Hey guys. I'm back from school.

Had my maths test today, as usual.
Having english oral exam on thursday.

Life seemed t have gone insane overnight.
Life was so slack and jocky in England.
But now, it's back t hectic and lonesome,
and I don't really like it that much.

But I guess I'll have t accept it.

Many things t catch up on && learn by hard.
I'm behind time and everyone.

Now I feel like a late-born baby bird.
When my brothers and sisters are able t fly,
I'm then only being borned...

Life's like that w.out him.

-

Someone asked mea today: "Why leave when you don't want t?"

Why carry on when it won't go far?
Why do it when you know it will cause you more misery?
Why ask these when you don't even know how I feel.

Yeah. Exactly. We won't go far if we got together.
Everyone is aware of that.
Mea being haunted by my past and current.

-

I really hope I can pass my maths test.
I don't know how far am I behind par...
Circle properties, and maxtrices is driving mea crazy.

-

People often see mea laughing and smiling in school.
That's when I get t joke and play around.
But have anyone seen th real mea?
No...

I'm just a hopeless crying soul inside...

再見英国,
这次的決定, 我押上了全部.
我会努力改变, 拿到比預期好的成績
这次，不只是對你的考驗, 也是对我自己的考驗.
所以, 一起加油吧.

Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥

at 5:31 PM

Hey guys. Major competition coming up for mea.
I'm taking part in th Annual Teenagers Pop Vocal Competition this week.
It's held in Tanjong Pagar open field or Residential Area {: .

There's going t be 8 rounds.
1 - Auditions
To see who qualifies for th basic requirements.

2&3 - 2 Elimination rounds
Only th best of th bests will survive.

4 - Quarter semi
Th name says it all.

5 - Semi finals
To find out who makes it t th semi finals.

6 - "Revival" round
Up t 3 participants can make a comeback when previously eliminated.

7 - Combined singing from our top 10 finalists.

8 - Finals. (Duets)
Th finalists will pair up to 5 pairs and sing a duet.
Who will make it t th throne?

-

Any song suggestions for mea t sing?

There are 9 suggestions, but I'm not sure whether I can do it anot.

I will always love you - Whitney Houston
Greatest love of all - Whitney Houston
My heart will go on - Celion Dion
Unfaithful - Rihanna
When you say nothing at all - Allison Krauss
Because of you - Kelly Clarkson
One in a million - Hannah Montana
Time to say goodbye - Sarah Brightman & Andrea bocelli (duet)
Phantom of the opera - Sarah Brightman & Antonio Banderas (duet)

-

Th first 6 is relatively easy.
I'm not sure whether I can do "one in a million",
because th tone sang needs a very low pitch.
Th hard ones are "time to say goodbye" and "phantom of the opera".
Both requires REALLY high pitching and stable toning.
Which apparently I'm still unable t grasp th bare minimum.
I need a.. Vocal coach (: .

-

I'm not good. I can't sing THAT well.
I'm participating t see who I really can be.

-

We'll just see as time flies by.
Relying on my intuition...

Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥

at 3:49 PM

Guys are so stupid.

Don't bother apologising when you don't even know where you're wrong at.
A thousand sorry won't get you anywhere further.

I want a sincere apology.
Mean it and I'll believe you.
Text it and I'll simply delete it away.

I'm not known plainly for my bad temper.

-

To : Someone.

Good t be true.
I didn't think twice or rationalise.
You're a rare gem. Don't waste it.

You do it best when you say nothing at all.
Try as I did, I could never explain what I hear when you're keeping quiet.
Saying nothing, you could light up my dark.
When you look at mea in my eyes, you'll drown out th crowd.
Our parents could never define, what's being said between your heart and mine.

-

"My love will remain strong no matter how far th distance away from your heart."

Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥

at 2:06 AM

I'm still missing you.
I'm really missing you t th extent I'm insane.

Do you know how much I wanna see you now?

I rmbred how I used t smile at your silly jokes.
I rmbred how I used t laugh at your dance moves.
I rmbred how I used t enjoy your company.
I rmbred how I used t say...

"They can never have you. Because I've found you."

That was initally meant t be a joke.
And yet in th end I really did found and lost you.

Apparently, I can never have you.

Now I'm hoping t see you at my doorstep every sunrise.
Like how it was in England.

People say we're really fated.
But th truth merely contradicts.
We're both left handers.
We both have dancing as passion.
And you find mea outstanding because I'm a foreigner.
My head easily fits on your shoulder.
We have compatible height, it's just alright.
You understood mea just like how I understood you.

But for these, I think you're silly.
Why go for th replicas instead of th genuine ones?

Give yourself, myself, others a chance.
Why cling on t something that's never meant t be.
Why waste these worthless efforts.

Th more you cling on t mea, th more I'm unable t let go.
You know that don't you?

Why let th misery carry on.
It's not worthy at all.
You'll never know.
Maybe you'd find a rainbow aft you step out of this rain?

I really wanna fly back and say I've regretted leaving.
And that I really love you obsessively.
I'm INSANE over you.
My mind's filled w. you incessantly.
Every now and then, th memories comes haunting mea.

I'm dying at heart.
Let's put out this eternal fire and move on, alright?
We know what's best for you and I.

Don't grief over my absence and departure.
There's a door t happiness,
it's just whether you and I can make it through alone.

What's over is over.
They have became MEMORIES.
I'm now a part of your past.

And you're still here.
So you and I should carry on living our life t th fullest.
Never missing another chance, seizing every opportunity.

Who knows? Maybe you'll find th right one aft leaving mea (:

After th fall, wipe your tears;
Heal your wounds, and fly higher.

♥ Baelia Alistair S. ♥

Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥

at 8:05 PM

♥ You're one in a million ♥

Great things happen in a blink of an eye.
Somebody like you are a million t love.

Your eyes. They're so electrifying.
Your smile. They're so very beautiful.
Your laugh. They're so influential.

You're so phenomenal.
There was more than just chemistry.
Th chances of meeting somebody like you,
is million t one.

I'm dreaming. I'm fantasizing again.
I'm hoping. I can't help wishing you're still here.

All this time I wasn't looking for love.
I was looking for you.
Stumbling into th arms of th one.

You look so cute when you're shy.
You look so adorable when you smile.

I wonder when will I get t meet someone like you again.

-

I know I'm ultra lucky.
I've just seen some fan video of yours.
Can see that they're so obsessed w. you.
Not just obsessed. They're in love w. you.

There's this particular girl. She wrote.

"There's been a boy I'm absolutely crazy about.
It's been a year now but I love him as much as
I did th first time I set my eyes on him. When
I first saw him he was a normal teenager w. big
dreams. When he won I was soooo happy that I
screamed. Now, this 12 months was everything
t mea, he's on my walls, my school books, his
pictures are EVERYWHERE. People say I'm
obsessed and sometimes make fun of mea
especially because I have never actually met him.
But I don't care what anyone says because he will
always be in my heart anyway. Sometimes I wish
I could forget but I can't. I don't want t forget him
because he's my whole world. He truly is one in a
million. No one in th world can ever replace him.
Replace that piece of heart which belongs t him.
He will never know how I feel, he will never even
know who I am, cos' I'll just be another adoring
fan standing in th crowd. But I can still love him
no matter what. Th girl who wins his heart will be
th luckiest girl alive and I'll be upset and jealous but
I'll be fine because she will make him happy and all
that matters t mea.
I love you George William Sampson forever xxxx."

Now you know that I'm not th only one...
Not many are as lucky as mea I guess?
Are you just a crush? I'm trying t walk away but I can't.

I...

You're not a present, I understand.
I can't give you t whoever I like.
But.. Don't you know that there's someone else better than mea?
We're just normal girls. Normal teenagers.
Hoping that you'll pick one of us and make us queen.
Hah. That used t be my dreams too.

But now I've awoken and realised that it's impossible alr.
So just, find a girl of your type. In your country.
I personally think you're best compatible w. local girls.
Blondes. Brunettes are beautiful.
I'm not blonde. Although I have brown hair. Genetic.
I'm looking back at yesterdays.
Back t when I'm still by your side.

Let another girl feel like how I did.
Sitting beside you on a rollercoaster ride.
I was not scared even though I'm afraid of heights.
I was never scared w. you by my side.
I feel protected. I feel so safe.
Th only thing I'm afraid of, is that I'll lose you.

We both know that we're bound t lose each other, don't we?

Just take it anyway, take my future and leave mea alone.
Don't return t th places where we've been before.
Forget about Alton Towers and A2AA.
It can never happen between us anyway.

Forget about my laughters.
Forget about my smiles.
Don't imagine looking mea in my eyes.
Forget about my voice.
Forget how I used t say "morning stupid!"
Forget how I said "we're one big family!"

Forget them because they were never meant t be true...

Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥

at 4:24 PM

If I were t pick a song choice for my relationship w. my previous bfs,
they'll be...

Mxx - Because of you by Kelly Clarkson & Disturbia by Rihanna
He hurts mea. And I wake up from my nightmare, and haunt him back.

Gxxxxx - I will always love you by Dolly Parton
Tragic love ending ):

Sxxxxx - Better in time by Leona Lewis
Hoping we'll find th ones that's best for us (:

Vxxxxx - 7 things by Miley Cyrus
(: described in song.

Jxx - Unfaithful by Rihanna
Betrayal.

-

Hah, what's w. th "x"s?
Guess th following letters yourself, they're SO obviously obvious.
LOL.

5 boyfriends in 3 years, not bad right ):?
My caucasian friends have 7 guys in a month :O!

I'll let you know th song's lyrics.
Th description of each relationship w. them fits in th lyrics.
So you'll most probably know who is who (: .

-

Because of you - Kelly Clarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you, I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry, because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh, every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break, when it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you, I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die, I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing

Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you, I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you, I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you, I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you, I am afraid..

Because of you
Because of you ~

-

Disturbia - Rihanna

What's wrong with me?
Why do I feel like this?
I'm going crazy now

No more gas in the rig
Can't even get it started
Nothing heard, nothing said
Can't even speak about it
All my life on my head
Don't want to think about it
Feels like I'm going insane
Yeah

It's a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mind
It can control you
It's too close for comfort

Throw on your break lights
We're in the city of wonder
Ain't gon play nice
Watch out, you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must faulter be wise
Your mind is in disturbia
It's like the darkness is the light
Disturbia
Am I scaring you tonight
Your mind is in disturbia
Ain't used to what you like
Disturbia
Disturbia

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Faded pictures on the wall
It's like they talking to me
Disconnecting your call
Your phone don't even ring
I gotta get out
Or figure this shit out
It's too close for comfort

It's a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mind
It can control you
I feel like a monster

Throw on your break lights
We're in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play nice
Watch out, you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must faultier be wise
Your mind is in disturbia
It's like the darkness is the light
Disturbia
Am I scaring you tonight
Your mind is in disturbia
Ain't used to what you like
Disturbia
Disturbia

-

I will always love you - Dolly Parton

If I.. should stay.. I would only be in your way
So I'll go.. but I know
I'll think of you every step of.. the way

And I... will always.. love you..
Will always.. love you.. you..
My darling.. you ~

Bittersweet.. memories..
That is all I'm taking with me
So goodbye, please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you.. you need

And I.. will always love you
I... will always love you
You ~

I hope, life treats you kind
And I hope, you have all you've dreamed of
And I wish you joy.. and happiness
But above all this.. I wish you.. love

And I... will always love you
I... will always love you

I, I will always love.. you...
You ~
Darling, I love you
I'll always..
I'll always..
Love..
You ~

-

Better in time - Leona Lewis

It's been the longest winter without you
I didnt know where to turn to
See somehow I cant forget you
After all that we've been through

Go in, come in
Thought i heard a knock
Who's there? No one
Thinking that I deserved it
Now I realise that I really didn't know
You didn't notice, you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning, to love again
All I know is, Im'ma be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals to
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

How could I turn on the tv
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy?
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming
Don't wanna let, hurt my feelings

But that's the path, I believe in
And I know that, time will heal it
You didn't notice, you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning, to love again
All I know is, Im'ma be ok

Thought I couldnt live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals to
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go so I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals to
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time...

-

7 things - Miley Cyrus

I probably shouldn't say this,
but at times I get so scared
when i think about the previous,
relationship we shared

It was awesome but we lost it,
it's impossible for me, not to care
and now we're standing in the rain
but nothing ever gonna change until you hear

The 7 things I hate about you
the 7 things I hate about you, oh you
Your vain, your games, your insecure
you love me you like her, you make me laugh,
you make me cry I don't know which side to buy
you're friends their jerks when you act like them
just to know it hurts I wanna be with the one I know
and the seventh thing I hate the most that you do
you make me love you

It's awkward and it's silent,
as I wait for you to say
what I need to hear now
your sincere apology
when you mean it I'll believe it
if you text it I'll delete it
let's be clear
Oh, I'm not coming back, your taking
seven steps here

The 7 things I hate about you
Your vain, your games, your insecure
you love me you like her, you make me laugh,
you make me cry I don't know which side to buy
you're friends their jerks when you act like them
just to know it hurts I wanna be with the one I know
and the seventh thing I hate the most that you do
you make me love you

compared to all the great things,
that would take to long to wright,
I probably should mention, the seven that I like

The seven things I like about you
your hair your eyes your old Levi's
when we kiss I'm hypnotized
you make me laugh, you make me cry but I guess
that's both I'll have to buy
your hand in mine when we're intertwined,
everything's alright, I wanna be with the one I know
and the seventh thing, I like the most that you do
you make me love you

-

Unfaithful - Rihanna

Story of my life, searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul? Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company

He's more than a man and this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
But clouds are rolling in because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside

I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be a murderer

I feel it in the air as I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss up on my cheek, he's here reluctantly
As if I'm gonna be out late

I say I won't be long just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know where I'm about to go
And we know it very well

Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside

I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be a murderer

Our love, his trust
I might as well take a gun
And put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this
Anymore, anymore

And I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
And every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside

And I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be a murderer
A murderer, no no no
Yeah

-

Clarification : These are NOT my love break up songs.
Just songs that describes my love life w. each of th guys.

I'm not emo for now. I feel like I'm turning into a monster.
I like rock or metal more instead of pop.
I'll just be on ecstasy till I'm dead tired.

-

Update later sizzlings (: shaa ~~

Sorry,
I forced myself t walk away from you ♥

Baelia Alistair Pan.
Single/~~Attached~~
I'll NEVER be available!
My heart's preoccupied
I'm currently 15
Queensway Sec
Scorpio
14 November's my birthday!
I'm a crybaby
Mad about LOVE
Don't step over my limit
She loves to sing!
I'm fun!
I like to play!
Divided in two
Blur as a sotong
I needs lots of love and concern
I'm just like a cat :D
I love attention <3
Dont judge me from the outside
Cause you dont understand ME .

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