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Healing a broken heart ♥ Thursday, October 22, 2009
at 7:03 PMSorry. You've never told mea you'd had any special feelings for mea.
I treated you like a friend & a close brother. I know, I got t knew you because I'm partly a Malay too. & no, it's not about religion. Nor race. I'd like ppl of all races & religions, really. Just that my heart was alr w another guy in th first place. You know him too. I just can't forget him. I love him as much as I hate him for doing these t mea. He & I will never be together again. It was his decisions, out of indecisiveness. When I had him there, then I chose to let him go. Now it's only fair that we both let each other have our way. I'm so going t celebrate my birthday alone. It'd be heaven if I could spend it w him. In my dreams. I'm scared. I don't know why too, I'm just scared. I'm scared t ask him out, because in th first place I said. "Forget it, take it as I've never appeared in your life". I wanted t go out w him, yet I'm scared he'll say yes. Of course, I'm afraid he'll say no too ): I wanna go out w him so much, yet I'm scared of being w him. It's just these small anxiety-filled feelings. I don't know why, but that's just how th story goes. & I've figured out, things will never be th same again. I'm not so generous & gracious t pardon what he did t hurt mea. I'm not so courageous t accept him again. He's not so sure about his true feelings. He'd never return, he'd only know how t say "forget it". It's what we'd chosen t let go in th first place. It flew away from us, why bother t find it back? This will remain as a memory. It's just impossible although we both really want t. I won't forgive how you excruciatingly seared my heart into smithereens. I won't forget how you coldblooded-ly turned your back against mea. I will rmbr how you ignored mea when I most needed your concern. I will be reminded of how you took mea away from myself. I will have nightmares every night, it's all because of you. I would cry in th dead of every night, just t hear my silent screams. I will look at my scars, & isn't that what you want mea t do? You've once asked mea, "What will you do if I leave you?" This particular question was asked on th day you broke up w mea. I didn't bother t reply. I thought you were kidding. But wasn't that what you wanted? Now you've filled mea w blood & pains, are you very joyful now? Why come back. Why look at mea when I'm trying t avoid you. Why won't you be true t yourself, make it a yes or a no. Stop saying maybe, stop saying forget it. It's irritating mea, I had ENOUGH. Why do these when you know it'll bring both of us pain. Why try if nothing will be th same again. Why bluff ourselves that a miracle will take place, when our fantasy had alr ended long ago? Yes, I said I can't live w.out you. It's true. It'd always been true. I've died long ago. Jing has passed away. I'm no longer th same girl you knew, you know it very well. I'm Baelia. I'll be anyone whom you don't know. I want you t get out of my life, t die. I hate you for everything you did. You made mea bleed thoroughly. My heart felt as if it'd been bled t dryness. My eyes spurted blood after I cried continuously for 3 hrs. You made my wrists & arms bled like a tap. You made mea bleed on your bed. I wish you'll go t hell, & that I'll go thr w. you. I love you. I hate you. I love you. I hate you. I wanna go t hell w. you. So that I can hear you scream & feel th pain. So that you'll know, I'm willing t brave th hellish tortures. Just for you. Things will never be th same again, no one said it will be. People changes, things go wrong. But always remember, life goes on. You've bred a love & hatred-filled mea. Don't regret, this is just th way life continues. But I suggest t you, don't be stubborn anymore, don't assume you're always right, don't expect everyone t do as you wanted, learn t try & t make choices from your heart. If you don't, you can be rest assured that, you will hurt not only mea but yourself & other girls. & that I won't be th only one who want your life. This is mea, this is Baelia. Born on 13 August, t bring you hell & tortures. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ |
♥ Search ♥ Yours truly   Baelia Alistair Pan. Single/ I'll NEVER be available! My heart's preoccupied I'm currently 15 Queensway Sec Scorpio 14 November's my birthday! I'm a crybaby Mad about LOVE Don't step over my limit She loves to sing! I'm fun! I like to play! Divided in two Blur as a sotong I needs lots of love and concern I'm just like a cat :D I love attention <3 Dont judge me from the outside Cause you dont understand ME . ♥ Loves ♥ Freedom ♥ Cookies ♥ Cheese ♥ Chocolates ♥ Chilli ♥ Movies ♥ Dates ♥ Loathe Hypocrites Backstabbers Betrayers Gossiping Debates Criticisms Love triangles Marriage Fast foods ♥ Desires Freedom Top10 in class Unlimited money t spend No curfew More time t hang out More pets! Change for th better Get t Sec4 Express ♥ Chains 3O1'O9 Aiko Alvin/Pegasi ChengBoon Chiwen/PurplePixies Claud Daniel Felicia Grace Janice/MissyJANx3 Jeanne JiaYuan Kenneth Marc/zxDarkFlamexz Melissa Naruto Nicholas Pavithra PingFang SamuelTeo Sequoias Guild Blog Shaun/x3Crisis Shirley Shuean Simon Terencee/xXxXShadowxX Vanessa WeiLiang XinYi XinYu Yaozhi YunTing/Krugal93 ZiLing/JuniorPixie ♥ Make some noise!  ♥ Dance t th music!
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at 7:03 PM