Healing a broken heart ♥ Monday, November 30, 2009
at 12:21 AMI know it's long over.
& I've forgotten you already. But it's kinda like a familiar habit t me, talking abt you every single waking moments. Really, I mean REALLY every moment. Even when I'm eating, exercising, studying. Even when I'm dreaming. But it's not sad anymore. Cos' I've let go of you (: ... Now.. When I think back... It has only perfect & sweet memories.. How cute. Th tragic & sad ones are suddenly gone! I really miss those moments, but only because they're so warm. I miss how my friends & I call you "Chocolate" cos you're so tanned. I rmbred how I looked at you & asked "who're you?" when I can't recognise my own boyf. (I'm shortsighted) I thought of how I used t tickle you when you claim *you're not scared of tickle*. I miss how my lips used t stumbled on yours on board a bus. I'd laugh whenever I rmbred how you just refused t come in my class cos you're shy. I still know th feeling when you held my hands.. for th first time. I felt bad when I said yes t you because I felt too bad t reject you.. I felt scared & I want you t stay away from me whenever I'm w you... (sorry..) Yet.. I missed you & I want you by my side whenever I'm alone.. (Ironic!) I like how I used t ask you, "do you speak chinese?" & how you used t reply me, "Yes la! I'm a chinese!" But th moment I miss most.. Is when you brought me in a super duper cold room.. Where you took out a ring & it fitted me perfectly. Oh, max, is that really you back in th past? You were so sweet... ... 2-Yr-Old romance. Baby love. So innocent so imaginary. You know, I could sit here & think of you whole night. But it wouldn't be good.. will it? Let's move on, okay? I could never forget much memories. Th cold room. Th bed. Th plaza. Th canteen. But I think th most heartbreaking moment is... (I promised, no emo post this time), I saw how unwilling you were t let me go back home... & I had t pull my hand away from yours... & walk away from you... Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Sunday, November 29, 2009
at 9:53 PMUsed t have max t myself,
day or night, thr was no one else. From dawn t dusk, his love would surround me, I lounged myself, in his arms. But now I'm out in th cold night, all alone, t th dawn's first light, you met a new girl, who replaced me. Used t think I had a guy, a special person t call my own, but now th girl's in your heart, & im out, no more max, no more love, no more mine. - Bye. Don't love me. Cos' I won't requit your love. Because you're such a jerk. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 6:38 PM Pathetic crab,
I will NOT go head over heels just for you. My life will NOT turn into a total mess. I'm in control of everything including you. I will NEVER compromise cos that's stupid. I'm gonna. Stay away from you. Shun you. Avoid you. Hate you. Love hating you (; *winks* (Try highlighting:D) & tell others what a bastard you've been. You're a bad boy, max! Well. IF you're one then I think it's no wrong. No wrong being a bitch towards a bastard (: Let it be. Make a wish, (so that I don't ruin your life), & get out of my life. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 6:26 PM Silent poison examines mortals,
victims patronise Scorpio, so that she who kept her sting, satisfy her desires. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 6:02 PM Mythology of Scorpio : In Greek Mythology Scorpio is a reference to an enormous hunter named Orion.
He would hunt every night with the Greek goddess of hunting, Artemis. Artemis fell in love with the handsome hunter. Artemis's twin brother Apollo became angry with Orion for loving his sister. Apollo went to his mother Hera and asked her to send a Scorpion to go and kill Orion. Hera granted his request and Orion was killed. Artemis vowed never to love again, & weeping asked her Father Zeus, lord of the skies, to put a constellation in the sky for her beloved Orion. So he did, he not only gave a constellation to Orion but also to his killer Scorpio. That way Artemis could always see her love while she hunted. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 5:51 PM Mythology of Cancer : Cancer the crab,
plays a minor role in the Twelve Labors of Hercules. While Hercules was busy fighting the multi-headed monster, Hydra, the goddess Hera, who did not like Hercules, sent the Crab to distract him. Cancer grabbed onto the hero's toe with its claws, but barely breaking the rhythm of his great battle with Hydra, Hercules crushed the crab with his foot. Hera, grateful for the little crustacean's heroic but pitiful effort, gave it a place in the sky; but none of its stars were bright, because the crab had failed to accomplish its given task. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 5:45 PM Then a light among them brightened, Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 12:05 AM I have never been insulted like that before.
Don't take advantage of me just because I love you. You made me SO pissed. You made my friends SO freaked & fucked up. You're unreasonable. Don't think I've t give in t you everytime cos you're hot & popular. I can't tolerate you anymore. I fucking hate you. Say I've got a problem huh?! I've shown you attitude huh?! I'll make you a prostitute if you get on my NERVES! Get out of my life MAX. Once & for all, leave me ALONE. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Saturday, November 28, 2009
at 7:59 PMHey. Ever been near t death?
I'm kinda sure I'd, cos I've just experienced it ystd. It wasn't my choice. It was SO painful I couldn't get t sleep. & I'd ran out of painkillers. I had t lay on th bed for 3 hrs in pain, I couldn't even move, but breathe & blink. But surprisingly, my life was saved by th beauty of vitamin B capsules & bread. & yeah, I had been out of "energy/carbo" for about 96 hours. No wonder I felt deathly & frail. I couldn't help it! I think I was, for a moment, anorexic! & I went w.out food for about 4 days, while in th mean time exercising *constantly*, I knew it, I mean really, my weight dropped t 38kg. But as my weight plummeted, my health did as well. It was SO torturous. But after all I've been cleansed of my diabolical thoughts, & back t th usual me. Although I returned back t th *as usual - 42kg me*, I feel fine! (not necessarily healthy.. don't think I've recovered yet..) I'm glad. I could DIE. Think for a moment my brain stopped working or something LOL. But overall I think. I'm happy t be who I am. Always rmbr, ... "Beauty comes w a price tag... you pay w your life." Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 1:45 AM ♥ Th end of th misery ; x ♥
Where were you when I most needed you? How much of myself do I have t give just for us t be a whole? We're just like a double helix, joined, yet never touching. When will these tortures stop? Long story cut short, I cried a waterfall, but I found a deep & meaningful plunge pool, for me t bury all my sorrows in. I know good friends & my family will always be thr. I'm thankful, but I shall not be cheesy & corny. & I promise I'll forget abt max. No matter how hard this journey may be. I'll carry on. I went t places in Singapore that I've never been t w max, I've experienced them truly. Now, I may seem young & innocent, but deep down I know I'm not. Now if another guy would take me t th places I've been t before w max, I could say, "yes, I wanna go there!" Just like I've never been there before, but we always knew, I had once did. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Friday, November 27, 2009
at 11:20 AMDon't pity me,
we're in this together. I'm not someone who needs other's sympathy. Just leave me alone. Another word, & there goes. (there goes what?) You shall know. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 12:54 AM If you're so happy w.out me in your life,
if you're so happy w. all th other girls, why don't you just say yes, & let me get th fuck out of your life? Seeing you're so happy t be around them, I'll just go on living quietly away, getting th FUCK out of your life. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Thursday, November 26, 2009
at 9:14 PMFinally a good sleep w th help of hypnotism.
Still no advancements yet, it's 26nov. & he clearly doesn't bother abt me now. Dreamt of someone today, (nt th usual someone*) Absolutely surreal, since when he came into my dreams? Why him?? I just don't understand. In my dreams, it's a puppy love, but th weirdest thing is, he started acting like MAX. I just don't get it?? What went wrong here? I don't know. & I still don't. Maybe a good night's sleep will give me th answer I'm looking for. & maybe, well just maybe, I'll know what else is there t come. Whatever there is, I'm still gonna say t end off this post, I love you, MAX ♥ Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 1:08 AM Extreme hangover & migraine.
Couldn't sleep well. Sigh. Many things on my mind which I can't rid them of. Gone was th blissful times. Unable t get out of bed just now. Headache & slight fever. Stupid mosquito bites. Darn itchy. Yeah yeah whatever, I'm missing someone as usual. Sigh. I couldn't stop sighing out of exasperation. Is this how a person w love sickness feels? I'm not really depressed.. Just feel *feelingless* now. Not happy nor sad. But 1 thing that's for sure, it'd always been sure. That I'm thinking of him. Well.. Hey! There's a pretty moon tonight! All th stars are shining faintly, gently. Just like th nights when he used t hold me in his arms.. Pretty moon, why don't you shine on me? I'm longing for a memory. I wish I might have 1 last chance, t be by his side. Sigh. Except that reality is cruel. He's no longer here t enjoy th moon w me. Like we used t. Oh... Th past's so beautiful. I miss those times. When I can sleep in his arms, & wake up still intact in his lovelocked self. That seems so far away now... No other guy can give me another feeling like this. So perfect, so blissful, so romantic. I was so happy then. Oh. It's over, dear Baelia. Pity your poor heart for missing him. Goodbye, pretty moon. I'm going back t sleep. But I won't forget th one I love deeply. Even though I decided t put an end t us. Good luck w hazel okay (: You have my blessings ; x I love you, Max. ♥ Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Wednesday, November 25, 2009
at 10:42 PMSorry. Not feeling really well today.
I think I've just lost a hell lot of blood. Mum says if this persists & if I don't consume enough IRON, I'll end up anaemic or something like that. I feel breathless & weak now. Leave me alone for today...... Let's hope I'll be fine tmr. Bye all. Afk. Gonna go bed early for th first time. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 3:13 AM I miss you, dear Cancerian.
You won't freaking know how I'm feeling right now. I know it clearly. Prefect camp today till 26 nov. So you won't be able t go out & have a heart t heart talk. Sorry. I've always been so doubting. I admit that I don't trust you. & I still don't. - Why? Becos you've left me feeling insecure. & why must *they* make it as though you two are destined? I don't trust you. So I asked someone else. Me : Hey, ***, is there prefect camp today? *** : I'm sick sorry, but I think have ley. Me : Who else you know is going? *** : Hazel. I saw her wearing prefects tee. - What's wrong w this conversation? Let me show you what's so wrong. "*** : Hazel. I saw her wearing prefects tee." - Why her again? - I don't get it. Why can't we be like what we were in th past? I really want t trust you. But I just CAN'T. I don't know who t trust. My suspicions or you? How can I possibly trust you when you tell me these? "Me : Let's be just friends. Okay?" You didn't reply. I just DON'T know what else you want. "Me : Okay. You've made your choice. I'll get out of your life this moment. Good luck w hazelteo. Forget me." "Max : Stop say that hazel name. She so disgusting. I'm still your dear." "Max : Don't want then ok loh." What's your problem? What's w th "ok loh"? "Me : I want t hear it from your heart, not you. Do you love me for what I AM and not what I WAS?" "Max : Not sure." You go die la! I'm not a toy! Fuck you! "Me : Okay. I give you 1 LAST chance. Meet me at (place) at (time)." "Max : I got prefect camp lah." "Me : Then what you want me do?!" "Max : Next time lah. I got camp till 26nov." "Me : When?" "Max : When I free then I tell you bah." Fuck you hard! You so busy right?! Why don't you just say no?! I know you've t work & you got camp la! But don't expect me t make myself wait till you're fucking available! - Nabueys. (yes, this is th first time I've scolded NABUEYS in months!) Wanna know why I'm so pissed? Just look at what your indecisiveness has done. "Sorry. Last night I thought a lot after we went out. I should make it clear. I really don't like you anymore. I don't know what's going on but just that I don't have feeling for you like before. Nothing I can say other than sorry. So just forget me and cut it clear." "Oh yah, 1 last thing I want to tell you is, you should thank hazel because she's your friend. Cause she help me to say goodbye to you. If it's not for her, I also don't know I should break or not. Cause she asked me to make it clear with you so I can love her." - FUCK Y-------- Oh wait. There's MORE. "No actually. I hate that fat hazel. Forgive me k?" "No. I don't love her." "I say I hate her, not love her." Me : Whatever that makes you happy. z. "U." Me : What la. zz. "I love you." Me : HAHAHA. You do? "Not sure.:)" YOU GO BANG WALL LA! NOT SURE STILL SAY YOU LOVE ME! GROW UP CAN?! STILL GIVE ME SMILEY FACE! I PUNCH YOU LA! - Wtf. Playboy. I know why you hate hazel. Cos she called you a BASTARD. Yeah. Very right. YOU'RE A BASTARD LA. How can I possibly trust you, you tell me?! - I think you've got LOTS of explaining t do, maxy guy. Hanging on doesn't work, it'll not bring back what I was before. I'm myself. I know I can bring back th previous me. But before I do that, prove that you're worthy of me. Prove that you truly love me. - If I don't feel so, then you can dream on. & go be w someone that only treats/calls you a bastard. I like someone that looks EXACTLY like you. He has all your qualities. He behaves th same like you. Except that he's inhesitant & true. - I don't think you get it. It's a clue. Get it now? No? Here's another. - "I broke up w my ex just because he doesn't know how t make decisions" - Not enough? Here's th LAST one. - "My ex totally has no confidence & he doesn't know how t make choices." - *That's also th reason why I hate/despise most Taurus guys* Plain pathetic. God bless, k? - Enough of complaining. Contemplate my words, uncover th hints, understand my needs. I'm brutally straightforward, I know. At least I know how t make decisions. - Edit : I know you won't sms me (: cos you don't bother t. So, I'll forget abt this relationship. & move on. There's no need t apologise. Just get out of my life, max. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Monday, November 23, 2009
at 8:03 PMLove sucks.
I hate this. My heart hurts. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Sunday, November 22, 2009
at 4:51 AMLove is a promise, love is a souvenir. Once given, never forgotten, don't let it disappear. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 2:04 AM Ter : rmbr t invite me hor!
WL : laopa. why you mia so long! Pot : I won't fall in love cos I'm in love w th same guy all along! When you don't understand, don't say a thing. To all : don't bother much about my blog okay? it's just a kind of public diary. catch MORE of BAELIA at FACEBOOK! That's it. I'm not gonna tag in my cbox ever. Tedious thing t do. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Saturday, November 21, 2009
at 11:19 PMI had fucking enough of you.
So irritating. Reside inside again, I'll KILL you. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 2:13 PM Ever wonder why we're trapped in this seemingly neverending misery?
It's because of your selfishness. Your unwillingness t love me for what I am. Your unwillingness t let go of what I WAS. I had let go. I will accept whatever kind of guy you are. & any kind of choices you make. It doesn't matter cos in th end, it's still you! It's you that I love! You're th guy. Personality changes will not fail you. It's that vague familiarity I feel whenever I'm w you. I think there's a lot of reconciling t do. But you're just leaving this th way it shouldn't be. So.. It all boils down t you huhs. It's all your choice. I know I'm no good girl. I don't care what others think abt me & her. I'm not a prefect, I'm not a star pupil. I'm just an ordinary school girl. I don't get awards for being efficient, nor academic scores. I don't socialise much. I'm not talkative. I can't cook. I can't do dishes. I can't cheer ANYONE up. I can't be there for you because I'm fickle minded. I'm nothing compared t your H---L TEO. But I love you. I'm not asking for a chance. There's no reason for you t give someone you don't even know a chance. Just so you know how I feel. &. How long these tears had stained my love... Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 2:28 AM See what I see..
Hear what I hear.. Taste what I taste.. Feel what I feel... Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 2:24 AM Some ppl are ungrateful t be alive.
But not you... not anymore... Game over... Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Friday, November 20, 2009
at 11:38 PM(The following is an extract of an article based on real life story credits go t ChristianCarter.com)
And now she's getting worried. She asks herself... "Why is he acting this way?" "What happened to what we had?" "Did his feelings for me change?" "Did I do something that pushed him away?" "Why doesn't he seem to notice or care and do anything about it!?" The man just seems to want to pretend that everything is fine and ignore what's happening. When he does talk, he's short with his words and unexpressive... not sharing his thoughts or feelings about much at all. He seems "detached" somehow. And now she feels like if she didn't do anything to keep the relationship going, that they'd simply drift apart and he wouldn't do anything about it or even really care. Thats how I'm feeling now. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 11:16 PM This perfectly match my mood. "At heart, there is perfect silence, pure love. At death, there will be dead silence, deep love..." Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 11:08 PM Hopeless love victim. I'd rather t be his bitch than be your slut. I don't love you. I won't love ANYONE except him. Well just, fuck off. Stop pissing me off. I said it once, & I'll mean it. I'll love him AND only him. There's no way I'd be interested in you. I don't like t explain too much t STRANGERS. Face it, stop using your sister's facebook acc & msn t talk t me. I'm THROUGH it. Do you REALLY think I'm that stupid? I know every single little thing up t your sleeve. Cheap la. Stop harrassing me before I decide t block YOU & your sis' acc. That's right, THAT'S IT. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 12:19 AM Let me say something totally unbelievable.
Looking back at th past, I find it quite a shock too. - I may be once a playgirl. But I realised.. All my exs are virtual.. Including him.. Including YOU. (Iknowyou'rereadingthis.) I met all of them in maple. - Is that what made him stand out among th rest? I guess it is. Someone who would jump infront of a knife for me. Can definitely move my heart. M, you were so real. You were my first true love. - Unbelievable? Believe it. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Wednesday, November 18, 2009
at 10:17 PMM, deep down I really know that I'm still in love w. you. I can't let go, but I'm w another guy now. I've got no choice, but t let go. & put a stop t any possible rekindles. I'll never forget you, I've always loved you. & I will always do. I'm w. another guy now, but I still love you like crazy. Teach me how t forget you. Teach me how t stop going through th motions of living, & start living a new life. Without you. - Here's a little something for you. I wished you knew, but I guess this love will end unnoticed. - When I awake, I think of you, all th little things you do. I think about you before I sleep, my feelings for you, run so deep. Even in my dreams, I dream of you. If love is an illness, I've got th flu. If I say I don't love you, it'd be untrue. I know you had felt th same way too. You're th most amazing guy I've ever met, it's you in my life whom I'm so willing t let. When I'm w you, I feel so fine, I'm still very glad that you were once mine... Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 10:01 PM Dark red
Trickles down my arm A special little secret Known as self harm Fiery red anger Builds up deep inside I got to let these feelings out But to who can I confide Dark silver blade Is the one that I trust The one that I turn to When life becomes too much Long white sleeves To cover my pain Hide my relief Hide the cuts again Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 9:37 PM You & I have so much love that it burns like a fire.
In life, we slept in a single bed, in death, we'll share one coffin. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 8:55 PM Today I scream my bleeding heart OUT. It's amazing how someone can shatter your heart, & yet you can still love them w all th little pieces. I would really give up ANYTHING for one moment w you, for a moment is better than a lifetime of not knowing you. there is a cold wind for months, the wine I think I saw our night I was afraid your face contains for me among this assembly of feelings, Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 3:27 PM I will remain always as Baelia.
I know on a mental level, you can't survive w.out me. Me. That distorted illusion of yours. A mix of your dream girl & your worst fears. You don't have t be afraid for what I am. I'm only your imagination. I can't hurt you at all. You can find love, & search anywhere you want. But that emptiness you'll feel, will lingers on. You can't find anyone who doesn't look like me. Lord knows that you're struggling. But just hold on. Be strong. Cos I'll be there, Semi-perfect dream girl, flawed & yet so perfect. Which mlifetimeade me so hard t forget & significant in your eyes. I'm perfect because I was your imagination. I know deeply I'll haunt you for your life. You can forget me, but you can never forget your own imagination. & that's when I'll be embedded in your life... But I won't stay there for long. It'll only be a mere... lifetime... Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 3:20 PM When love withers & turn fake in a mere split second,
When th guy/girl you love says "hi&bye" When he/she does things t prevent you from doing something else, it's real that (s)he's not THAT into you anymore. Or maybe it's that (s)he had never been so. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ |
♥ Search ♥ Yours truly ![]() ![]() Baelia Alistair Pan. Single/ I'll NEVER be available! My heart's preoccupied I'm currently 15 Queensway Sec Scorpio 14 November's my birthday! I'm a crybaby Mad about LOVE Don't step over my limit She loves to sing! I'm fun! I like to play! Divided in two Blur as a sotong I needs lots of love and concern I'm just like a cat :D I love attention <3 Dont judge me from the outside Cause you dont understand ME . ♥ Loves ♥ Freedom ♥ Cookies ♥ Cheese ♥ Chocolates ♥ Chilli ♥ Movies ♥ Dates ♥ Loathe Hypocrites Backstabbers Betrayers Gossiping Debates Criticisms Love triangles Marriage Fast foods ♥ Desires Freedom Top10 in class Unlimited money t spend No curfew More time t hang out More pets! Change for th better Get t Sec4 Express ♥ Chains 3O1'O9 Aiko Alvin/Pegasi ChengBoon Chiwen/PurplePixies Claud Daniel Felicia Grace Janice/MissyJANx3 Jeanne JiaYuan Kenneth Marc/zxDarkFlamexz Melissa Naruto Nicholas Pavithra PingFang SamuelTeo Sequoias Guild Blog Shaun/x3Crisis Shirley Shuean Simon Terencee/xXxXShadowxX Vanessa WeiLiang XinYi XinYu Yaozhi YunTing/Krugal93 ZiLing/JuniorPixie ♥ Make some noise! ♥ Dance t th music!
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