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Healing a broken heart ♥ Thursday, December 31, 2009
at 3:18 AM"i know it's hard to part but i promise some day we'll meet again. it's time for me to go, don't you worry. this is my destiny." it's hard to believe there's such sad ending. it never fails to hurt when saying goodbye. a real story of true friendship beyond the boundary of centuries.
Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Wednesday, December 30, 2009
at 9:00 AM"i'm losing weight!" --- that's good! "so tired i'm losing my mind!" --- hang on! "will you guys shut up, i'm losing my patience!" --- *zips mouth XD* i've figured it out. i've never wanted a boy/girl relationship. we'll be more than friends and less than lovers c: 你知我知，就好了！ (: let's take a ride, catch that bus! tell the world we're all happy, look at that train, we're all the same! dancing in the streets with you ~ this kind of paradise! i'll never believe it! i'd never dreamt of this, too good to be true. i've found my paradise with you, i've finally found it! (: brick sangle ingleberry precaroski , you've got a friend in me! you're extraordinary! Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 7:27 AM I'm not cut out for that kind of crap. It's not me! I made a mess out of nothing just now. someone : hey babe, how about love at first sight? me : how about pain at first PULL?! *pulls ear* HAHAHAHAHA! hanging clothes isn't my thing man. i'm not made for that crap. i want a guy on the same level as me. forever not a housewife. not a housemaid. i don't do these stuffs can. don't expect me to do ALL the work. i work better than you. family, when will you ever understand? sigh. the only person who understand me now is brick. an orphan, first a stranger. i can't believe somebodies who had raised me up for 15 years ++ doesn't understand me. what's wrong with you guys? Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 3:32 AM Non desidererei mai mancare questo, io conosco che cosa questo è.
Ho ottenuto qualcuno che appartenessi a, qualcuno ad amore. Sono differente. Danneggilo, io sanguinano. Qualcuno mi ha portato ancora le sensibilità e la vita. E lo amo! Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 3:16 AM This kind of brutality doesn't work ever.
You know materialism isn't my cup of tea. There's no explainable reason why I chose him over you. It's not me, it's my heart. Look, I don't do bad stuffs. That's just not me! I once did, but not now and I never will again. Do you know how pain I felt when I heard th church's chimes? Now I don't. Cos' I've changed! I'm not who you know anymore! So don't pretend you know me. I don't know you too. You're just a stranger. Once a stranger, now a stranger, forever a stranger t me. Max. You really can't deny this. I love someone else. Now, if you don't mind. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Tuesday, December 29, 2009
at 9:24 PMtoo few courageous self-sacrificing and truth-exposing ppl in this world. i lay down on th balcony, lookin' at th sky just t get a glimpse of another sky. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 7:15 PM Monday was a blast (:
I had th most magical day of my life there! I couldn't describe it, it all happened so fast. We left our kiss in th water, although it's only a mere 15 second kiss, I could feel you in my life. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Monday, December 28, 2009
at 3:59 AMYou would gladly have me cry oceans for you.
Sometimes we have t give up our dreams. You're a hero. You saved my life. I now know that there's always a hero inside everyone. No matter who you are. I'm safe and sound now. A day can pass. But I'll never be able t forget that look in your eyes. That seriousness when you protected me from him. It's everything. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Sunday, December 27, 2009
at 11:06 PMYour love for red, orange and yellow shines like a life from th sun.
He had always been there for me, better or worse, sweet or sour. Giving me faith, supporting my footsteps, nourishing me with sunshine, Brick is here in my life. The loneliness I once felt is an illusion, in truth I have never been alone. 2 years ago, 27 december was a foolish day. Today, you've brightened my dull world w. your hopeful streaks. In th long run, you'll give me hope t move on. And in return, I'll change you for th better. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 5:06 AM Hey. Sorry. I couldn't make it this morning. I have a class outing t go.
You can't come, Brick. You're not a 6Terryfoxian. But I'll go out w. you after that, okay? (: But this time, I'll go as myself. I'll go as a girl. You're right. I shouldn't pretend t be what I'm not. In this case, you're not a gay anymore right? (; you know what I'm talkin' abt. I don't go out w. EVERY guy, you know. Count yourself lucky AND unlucky. You ask why I go out w. you, of course, what else can be th reason? "I don't wanna have you just t lose you" Sounds familiar? (: Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Saturday, December 26, 2009
at 7:19 AMOH BOY! I'm gonna go t LAS VEGAS next june holiday!
I've been t LV many many times, but this time it's different. I'm NOT going w. my family, I'm going w. my friends & Brick! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ~~~~ Need me say more?! Th vacations! Th fun! Th outings! Th shoppings! Th slumberpartying in hotel rooms! This is gonna be SO MUCH FUN! Can't wait. Monday, faster come! School faster come! Holiday faster come again!! I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad! I'm soooooooooo happy, I can't describe it. Rascal, our first vacation away from here! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I can't wait! Bye! Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Friday, December 25, 2009
at 9:06 AMThank you St. Nicholas Claus!
Finally made it in time t his house. He looks much better (: But it will be a LONG time before he can show off his orange hair ><". No serious head injuries. Of course no head concussions. But I don't think he'll recover in time t play in water. Got t keep him away from water cos of th wound ): A kiss from th girl, a day t forget abt th booboo. Didn't think he will wake up today. I'm kinda laughing at my ultra emotional breakdown ystd. I can't help it! I was damn anxious and worried. This monkey uhhs. Just woke up from his coma already so active. Pfft. It's hard handling a teenage guy w. ADHD. Firstly. Cook breakfast for him. Awhile at sofa, awhile outside house, awhile at living room. Took me SO LONG t find him can!! Secondly. That hyperactivity is driving me nuts. Every moment he's shaking cos he has SO MUCH energy inside. Thirdly. He looks cute when he's shocked cos I gave him a kiss on th wound. I can't stand it! I feel like a mother can?! And thanks a lot mannnnnnn. I've got RASHES. I must sleep during th day and avoid early-morning sunlight. If not I'll get full-blown red and itchy rashes all over exposed areas. Darn. Got t find ways t stop this allergy. Uhmm. Oh well. At least I don't have t lose him. But still, it's a BIG responsibility taking care of an overgrown punk. - You won't be able t see this post until you've fully recovered okay. Look. You're injured. I don't mind th hyperactivity and you being full of energy. But be careful -_-" You won't want another head crash. Your house is a major pig sty now. (I think it has always been) I'll do your housechores and cook meals for you cos I owed it t you. That's all for now. - I think you look cute when you're asleep. You're look extremely adorable and innocent when you get kissed. I kinda enjoy looking after you when you're weak and stuff. I don't know if I'm insane or what, I kinda like you. It's th first time anyone got hurt because of me. I should be responsible, it's my fault. So in return I'll take care of you till you're fine! Don't feel bad. We're brothers, remember? Take care. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 1:31 AM Since we met in an argument in bugis mall.
We have done so much together, bad and good. Even had our own philosophy, although it's a little ridiculous. Gone through my lonely holidays with you. You turned them from lonely to lovely. I always thought you were a strongwilled and determined guy. But you blacked out just because of a small injury. I did not expect this to happen. It's all my fault. I'm still waiting for you to wake up. And shout mean things at me again. I don't want to spend my christmas alone. We don't have much time left. Holidays are ending before you even know it. We still have lots of things undone. What about monday? What about those guys? What about me? I don't mind rushing to pasir ris every morning just to take care of you. You're still sleeping so soundly as ever. At least tell me you're okay. And that you only need more time to wake up. Time is running out. Rascal, please wake up. Stop scaring me. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 12:01 AM Hey, you okay? Say anything, say something, but please don't say goodbye.. Anyway, merry christmas t everyone! Sorry couldn't go out & celebrate w. all of you, I had t take care of someone. Tata! Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Thursday, December 24, 2009
at 5:53 AMI don't care whether you're th hottest, coolest, cutest, most popular & handsome guy.
Or whether you have lots of money or you're th ultimate evil. You have really overdone it THIS TIME. You were always th one saying sorry. But you never once meant it. He was rude & uncouthed & mean t me. He never said sorry t anyone because he was bad. But an apology from him could move th world. I think we both know what you need t do. He's not asking much, he didn't even want you t apologise. Who is he t be compared t you? I still don't get why you did that t him. Because he exposed you of your lies? Because I said he's better than you? - I don't know why you're still clinging on me. You lied t me. You've never loved me. You treated me like a toy. You know what I think? I think you just want t keep me by your side. So that I'm always yours & I'll never be happy. He may be ill-mannered. But his heart is a kindred times purer than yours. I can just be saying this because I hate you. - How can I make you understand? If I caged you in a jail & sent you t live w.out your family, you would feel terrible, wouldn't you? - Let's just forget it. 1 year 8 months of tears is really enough. That's all. = I once found it hard t love & be loved. But someone melted all my hatred & doubts away. He nursed me back t health when I was on th verge of death. Because of YOU. What can you expect from a guy whose mean & uncouthed & uneducated? He's done everything he can. - Please. Try t understand. I know you're possessive of me. But you just can't keep me all t yourself. Let me go. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 1:15 AM This week is burstingly busy okay.
Thursday - wrap presents for xmas! Friday - xmas celebration at brick's place! Saturday - hanging out, PARTY time! Sunday - shopping for tmr's big event! Finally.. Monday!! Many outings in a day! Vivocity! East coast park! Snow city! Escape theme park / Wild wild wet! Night Safari! = Oh boy, that's gonna be SO much fun! Okay, I'll get going. So many things t do, so little time t fulfill, so little energy left t spare. = If only your words were true t last. I kinda wish that you meant real. How do I defeat your disposal of love. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Wednesday, December 23, 2009
at 2:25 AMRascal,
I'm sorry I couldn't make it. & that you came t find me just t tell me that... You're dumb. But I have t admit you're cute. I'm kinda happy this is not goodbye yet, though. (>o_o")> Silly boy, I'll join you & th guys! But I won't go in th water. I had never learnt how t swim. Oh ya, & don't worry. I won't die so easily, I'll recover before Monday. Cya then, Brick, & of course, all your guys too. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Tuesday, December 22, 2009
at 2:42 AMHave you reached yet?
You live so far away! I've been there before, it's nice! Near t th seaside, it must be paradise t live there! Holidays sure is fun. Now it's almost over, we're going back t our normal lives. This is so boring ): . You kind of changed, you know? At first you were a little mean/rude/nasty & sarcastic. But now you're so different. You even said bye and sorry. That's so not like you.. though. Hope holiday come back soon ): by then we'll hang out at th mall again! Take another ride in your Escalade! Do graffiti! Blow up stuffs! Till then.. Brick, listen. Finding sunsets isn't so much fun w.out you anymore.. But I'll be strong, I'm not a crybaby! Don't say those words, don't you dare t mean it. Erm.. You're free now. Now I know that it isn't meant t be, Goodbye, I love you. Squirrels eat nuts and birds sing songs, but in th cave of eternity everyone's wrong. End of life there's this guy whose free, in my sorrow he had brought happiness t me. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 2:11 AM Wow. That's some rough language!
Guys~ Don't be a sexist, girls can do better than what guys do GOOD. You think I'm just a normal weak girl, don't you? You think you can just exploit th love I once had for you, right? Listen here, party mouth, I'm not your average damsels. Almost fainted from my lovely slap, didn't you? :D You really should know what I mean when I say LEAVE ME ALONE. I'm not totally defenseless w.out Brick, you know? Dumb guy, your game's over. I figured out I'd be so much happier w.out you! I'm too lazy t talk abt/t you. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Monday, December 21, 2009
at 6:36 PMLife's so boring w.out mean guys. Sigh =l.
Oh Bay, in this big house, you're all alone & blue. What is there left for me t do? No all-guy-slumberparty. No graffiti. No joking/teasing. No mean streaks. I kind of miss him somehow. Color me trouble, my life is so dull now! Oh well... Back t being a normal girl.. Normal..Average..Ordinary.. girl... Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Sunday, December 20, 2009
at 11:11 PMThanks Brick.
We'll find another sunset when winter comes again. Bon voyage, I'll miss you. Bye brother. Loves, Bay. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 4:31 PM YOU! Stop saying you're sorry! I don't trust you anymore!
Get out. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 8:11 AM I'm feeling really terrible now.
I'm glad I have a secret blog, somewhere where I post my truest feelings. No one knows it. No one except me. I don't know what t do... Brick, where are you? I'm so lost.. & afraid... Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 6:56 AM Sleepless solitude turned into rage.
Brick. Thanks for helping me find out th TRUTH. DEAD? Died saving me AY? Number changed huh? Moved house EH? If I hadn't called Brick t find out th truth, I'd be kept in th dark for long. What's your problem? - Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, NO THANK YOU. Max. I thought you'd changed. Disappointing. It's a no. Leave me alone. It's your fault for lying t me. Don't want me t find out? Don't lie in th first place. Don't blame Brick or me, it's your responsibility! It takes a thousand lies t cover up for one. Too bad I'm not THAT dumb. Yeah. He may be a thousand times ickier & nastier than you. You can be more gentleman than him, but heck! At least he has a conscience whiter than your black heart. So, shut your trap, stop denying, & skank off. I rather be his slut than be your bitch, liar! Leave Brick alone. We don't have time for you. I don't have love for you. Well. I used t. But not anymore. Ever since you chose t lie t me. I'm so disappointed. A man of your words? Max. I'm ashamed of trusting you. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 5:45 AM Mz. You very bad ley.
He's not a brick la. His name Is Brickell. I call him Brick. You're mean! But I like it! HAHAHA! So weird.. Brickell.. Blake.. Bryant.. Bane.. WHY ALL YOUR GUY FRIENDS' NAME ALL START W. B?!?!?! You're weird. I don't wanna talk t you anymore. *stick tongue out* Okay okay. Just joking. I'm much better! Heheheeee! But I havent sleep all night. Gonna go bed now. Bye, BRICKELL. I think Brickell sounds nicer, why choose Brick? You wanna be part of a wall, huh? Okayokay, take back that hand. No punching! TATA! Sleep time! (& STOP CALLING ME BAYLESS!) Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Saturday, December 19, 2009
at 11:26 PMSorry guys. Can't hang out anymore this week. I'm feeling a little unwell. Have fun w.out me! & I wasn't feeling unwell cos I was grossed out by you guys. I wasn't. Just that I slept too late & I need t prepare for a real busy monday. Hey brick. Thanks for keeping me safe. I don't know what else can those guys do. You're a little weird lately though. I'm really okay. I'm fine. I think you're th one that's not fine. Have you gone all sissified by cross dressing? Haha. Let me rest awhile. No monkey business & no sick stuffs okay. I'll join you as soon as I'm feeling better. Help me tell em' sorry. :e. Bay. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 9:30 AM Damn... 9.31am now.
Played all night w those idiot guy friends. Headaches. Still can't sleep. Oh those extra dose of caffeine. I hereby say sorry t some jerk for wearing his clothes t pose as a GUY. Therefore leaving him no choice but t wear my clothes... HEY. RAD, looking at my apology, HUH? I cut my hair & dye em SUNRISE ORANGE! I also gave em' a touch of evil & spiked them all up! MAN DO I LOOK LIKE YOU! HAHA! Oh dear.. I seem t have a little boy trouble here... Nevermind, that's for now. Some naked brick-on-th-wall needs his CLOTHES back. Why, scared? Can't stuck out your tongue? HAHAHA, sissy. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 12:54 AM I have finally recovered.
Only left minor headaches & normal coughing. Except that after th sun rose.. th coughing became EXTREME. Cough till my lungs dropped manzx. Terrible. All that extra dosage of medicine is making me sick.. (ironic) Guys are giving me nausea by doing disgusting things infront of me. Homework is driving me CRAZY. Friends are giving me stress & fun filled craziness. 10 more days left t finish my ultimate project of geography. z. I didn't know he had a girlfriend though. Does that makes me a 3rd party? I hope no harm's done! Anyway. I've started being boyish. So I don't care either. Hanging out w guys.. puts me in a much better position. For : (someone) Remember how we used t act *matured & girly*? We hung out at th arcade & malls, ... (oh no) then we discover... Guys... (pukes) Oh. Time out. Gotta run, something cropped up. Tatas! Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Friday, December 18, 2009
at 6:24 PMJust woke up. Got a darnnnnnnnnnnn sms from SOMEONE whose name starts w B. _l_!
I can't believe I'm losing t a ladybird. It's silly how all of you go crazy over guys. It's stupid how so many girls say brick is hot & manly AND disgusting. Clear it up, babes, they don't like baby girls! Girls are really starting t annoy & disgust me w their : "Oh you fine boy!" "Baby!" "Darling sweetie!" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH can't you girls be any gross-er? Ew. I'm turning into a tomboy -.-, who cares? Urgh. Sickening bitches. When will you know brick is TURNED off by those stupid stuffs rather than attracted? Guess you'll have t know a guy's heart & a guy's mind. HAHAHA. Better luck next time suckers. Okay. Time out. Time t hit th mall w my guy friends & hang out. Tatas, HAHAS! Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 7:44 AM Gosh, sun has rose, urgh I hate th sunlight.
Gonna go back t my bed soon or else I'll be sunsick! Just a quick short post & I'll be gone w th darkness. Love makes th world goes round. But my life is gonna be pretty black & white for now. I have no more love in me that I have t spare. I'm just another ruthless feelingless coldblooded guy. Yes guy. You're not wrong. I just hate t be a girl, don't you? I love being a guy, it's just so fun! Let's hope in reality none of brick's friends discover I'm actually a GIRL. Or else I'll be girl-doomed... (they hate baby girls!) That reminded me... When I first met brick he was so insensitive! He called me a stupid wimply baby girl! Can't stand this lad. Can I be any better? Uh! Well. Bye. Sunlight's too strong. Making me sun sick again. Baelia is a girl. Though. I still can't deny mother natural's will. ): TATA, HAHA! Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Thursday, December 17, 2009
at 6:33 AM(continued fr previous post. If you haven't read it, I suggest you do.)
You won't understand what I'm saying much anyway. It's guys' stuff now, girls, prepare t be annoyed. Similarly like girls, guy's all have weaknesses. Girls fear : cockroaches, spiders, dirt, & nasty/weird/creepy/spooky things. But it's totally different for guys. They're totally OKAY w those that girls fear/hate. (I'm implying t majority of th guys. Excluding gays/sissies/transexuals/transvestites) (But if you're scared of either it doesn't matter, as long as you're a STRAIGHT GUY!) They're *naturally* scared of sweet & nice things. (different if you're in a relationship duh) Cos they find them t be too "girly/girlish". Get th difference now? - I, too, also know many of th secrets between guys/girls couples. Not precisely secrets, but more like mistakes & misunderstandings. Girls doesn't understand guys (you can't deny this!) Guys doesn't get correctly what we mean either. For example : when a girl says. "THAT'S IT! We need t talk! Do you know how hurt/frustrated/pissed/fucked up I was when you..." Girl : She really wanna patch things up aft clearing up misunderstandings. Boy : Some of them might turn inwards. Cos th girl's always complaining about their relationship & it seems t him that he isn't GOOD enough for her. Even if he is, he can't bring her MUCH happiness. Get what I mean? -AND- I don't mind if all of you claims HE is my new boyf or whatever, we're not together. It's none of my business btw. He MAY/may not be my type of guys (I also don't know what kind of guys I like?). But I don't think I'll fancy HIM. Brick's so disgusting... (sweat)... so terrible (shivering)... so diabolical... (gulps*) I don't like Brick. I don't like Max too. I definitely don't like George either. You see, time has come for me t say a "bye" t bf/gf love relationships. I'm just NOT as in anymore. Although sometimes my heart does softens.. but not for long. - I'll describe further why I treat Brick as my brother rather than lover. HE's 16. He likes EVERY disgusting & sick stuffs. (imagine eating your own vomit k? :) He's uncouthed & rude & violent & aggressive (needless t say, but I'm sorry Brick ): I think he's got ADHD or something like that, he's VERY hyperactive. (Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder) But he listens t me :DDDDDDDDDDDD <--- very rare for this kind of monkey His words are needles, but I've learnt t prick back (HAHAHAHA!) He's very clever & evil & cunning even though he stopped schooling. & I can't stand his short temper!! Rascal! - See.. Even these creeps you out. Needless for me t say, really, I'm kinda turned off by him rather than falling in love w him. Yucks, that's my first reaction. But he isn't really that bad. He's just evil & overly serious & a little psychotic... ): Oh boy... Nevermind.. I'll fix that. & I've just realised both our names starts w B. HAHAHA. Brothers forever. (take me as a guy please) That's it you loudmouthed dimwit ninnies. I'm making a move. Having breakfast in a guy's clothes, AS a GUY, w a GUY. This holiday isn't really going nowhere, being w guys are fun! Better than hanging out w normally average wimpy girls. (I don't mind any offence. It's just boring listening t girls squeak at any stuff) Ready for another beating, BRICK? You're going down! & no, readers, I'm not nice, I'm naughty. I'm sure he cares for a little... tough love. TATA, HAHA!! Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 6:25 AM I aint have NO FUCKING BOYF!
It's fake! Brick's just my friend acting as MY *friend* when I'm imposing as a guy! (pause.. thinking of what t say D:) He's truly horrible & disgusting, I'll never like him! But since.. hmm he has a real bad boy streak, then he has it! Eh, I've learnt lots more fr him, you know! But that's all dirty/disgusting guys' stuffs, & girls won't like it either. You can't stop a good act, BABE. Guess what, I have guy's hair. Darn. I cut my hair. So that I can impose as a guy in an *all-guy hang out*. He even wanted t "demonstrate" eating a cockroach, but I didn't have stomach for that ): (not a perfect guy YET...) & then he told me t be a guy it's all different from being a girl... (continued next post...) Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Wednesday, December 16, 2009
at 8:44 PMUrghhhh.
All's well! Except for headaches & coughs. Th doctor says I have a lungs of a 60 years old wtf. Can't stand it. I wanna recover so I can go WWW w mz & george! Gonna be SO much fun! Just like in th Alton Towers YAY! But isn't it too late? It's 16 dec, school's starting REAL soon! ): ): ): ): ): Let's visit East Wing sometimes, eh? I got a secret dream of a secret person, a really weird person. Really evil person. Bad person. Horribly vile, that I couldn't remember his name. But I just know that he's an extreme version of stereotypical hyper-aggressive adolescent boy. Th scariest guy I've EVER seen, & th most ickiest & ADHD-est! Ok. Enough about this torturous description. Let's hope my dreams don't turn t nightmare. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Sunday, December 13, 2009
at 9:05 PM8th day of my extreme sickness,
I feel better today! At least th headache & sore throat isn't as bad as th THIRD day... My inflammed throat seems t *fizzle* now. Isn't as pain as it'd been. Fever has subsided greatly, no more heat radiation & palpitations. I still cough ): but it's not as torturous as ystd. BUTBUTBUT! BLOCK NOSE & FLU T_T & I couldn't taste anything, my taste buds went haywire! why do things come after another -.- ... ? Tak boleh buey tahan. Hmms. I'm feeling much happier today, although I'm still forever lonely. You know what? Someone came in my dreams ystd. That was th most relaxing sleep I'd ever had since th fever outbreak. I'm glad you still visit me in my dreams even though you're gone. I do miss you, lots. But there's a gap between th living & th dead. I've promised myself, be it I'm alive or not, I'll still be yours. But since you're gone. I'm gonna let you go. We're together now. Things are gonna be fine. I see that you know I'm suffering from this sickness. But recovering doesn't just take a day or two. Th doctor says there's a psychological linkage t my sickness. Still. Alas, I feel much better now. I've cleared up my thoughts. I'll still love you, no doubt on that. But I won't sink further. I'll live happily. I finally knew, that only when my heart has learnt t free you, then I'll be recover from this phenomenal sickness. farewell. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 6:13 AM Yeah. Still reek of medicine smell.
But today I shall have fun... Who says ppl w fever cannot play? My heart's beating very fast now... Like I'm gonna die after drinking red wine. Heheheeee. You got me wrapped around your lil finger.. You're everything I want you t be.. (what am I doing?! I'm supposed t be sleeping! Oh no.. whose this stranger? No, no, get away fr me!) Drink...drank... Baelia... Never drunk. Hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ~~~~~~ <3 Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 3:20 AM 7th day of fever & all other sickness.
I just know that now is th *flu season*. No wonder so many ppl are ill. My teacher. My sis. My friends (counts.. 1..2..3...4..5....++). My throat is killing me, I can't speak! But anyway, I'll be gone soon. My life is but t serve you, my lord. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Saturday, December 12, 2009
at 4:33 AM为谁理云翳
为谁径画眉 为谁箸新衣 为谁活下去 生命里的酸甜苦辣你都让我尝试了 情为何物 为何我一痛再痛 受尽心酸 见你的第一次 我少不更事跟你闹着玩 久而久之被你的绵绵情语打动了 相信你的月下誓言 就真心喜欢上了你 我不知天高地厚 把你当成理所当然的 想不到缘尽今生 事到如今 你已离去 杨仪凤 你曾经对我付出情深似海的情意 晶晶我是不会忘记的 Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Thursday, December 10, 2009
at 7:04 PMUrghs. Fever & sore throat & whole body pains.
How clever of me t push my physical limits. Fever alone is bad enough. Yet I went t swim for 5hours. Almost fainted in tiongbahru ystd, thanks t that idiot! Alr feeling sick still want me go airconditioned place -.- Oh well. Bye. Hope I recover fast. Lovesickness sucks. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Wednesday, December 9, 2009
at 5:49 AMBack from funeral.
Don't ask, not in th mood as always. Just another day w.out you. (I don't know why I'm doing this, but, still.) All of you blog readers shall be my witnesses for this vow of love. I hereby swear never t love again, & by staying single, I'll love him* for th rest of my life. I shall not take more than a look at others & I'll abstain myself from others. & never forget this promise I made t myself. - That's that. Sealed my fate. I can't blame myself, I'm obliged t do this. It's high time I settle my heart down w a guy, you know. Even though he's... (I shall not mention it, if not I'll cry another river out) Bye, - So sweet, even in death, that I couldn't take my heart off you. R.I.P 7decembero9, my handsome prince. M ♥ Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Tuesday, December 8, 2009
at 6:48 PM彼采葛兮
一日不见，如三月兮 彼采萧兮 一日不见，如三秋兮 彼采艾兮 一日不见，如三岁兮 Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ at 1:18 AM I'm so glad I knew th truth.
Even if it really hurts. It pains me t read your messages over & over again. I don't know if you still have feelings for me. But even if you do, I can no longer feel it. I have no feelings. My world is in total sadness & demise. Everything's th same alr. It won't make a change.
Be it you still love me or not. Be it I still love you or not. We're no longer sure. But we're both sure that we accepted th fact. It's fate I met you & fell in love w you at first sight. It's fate that you were once mine. It's fate that I've lost you out of jealousy. It's all predestined. 爱上你是缘 拥有你是缘 失去你是缘 缘尽今生 Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Monday, December 7, 2009
at 7:14 AM: NAME DISSECTION :
*warning : buddhist/taoist superstitious beliefs ahead* Family visited a Chinese Temple at Kusu Islands today. [tortoise island] Located in Malaysia. Each of us had our names dissected. My name is Baelia Pan Li Jing. Baelia carries a hidden meaning of "motherly" *<--- not so true k.* Pan is th chinese surname of Pan Jin Lian, a flirtatious character in 水浒传. Li(狸) symbolises fox, a cunning creature. Jing(精）represents spirit. In all, I'm a yin(negative) devious fox vixen. - Future based on name. [bad omen] I'm never a wife, but always a mistress. I steal, snatch, guys' heart w no intention. Never attached, yet unavailable. A creature of thwarted logic & impossibilities. Life will be an irony. I'll die w a broken heart. - Yeah. I'm a vixen. Even I'm one t max. It should be time he return t hazel. Motherly. Yet a mistress. My life is really full of irony huh? I couldn't help but break down in tears during th outing. Vixen? Fox? Mistress? Is this what I'm predestined t be?? I don't want this! Return t hazel, don't ask her t get out of your life. No, it was all my fault, I was th one behind all of it. Please, I'm listening t my conscience. Go back t her. I broke your heart once. Although you broke mine more than once, I don't mind. But don't break hazel's. This is fate. You're fated w her, accept this fact, max. I've learnt t accept it. It's true that I love you. But I won't hold on t someone that doesn't want t be held on. Return t hazel. She's worthy of you. Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ Saturday, December 5, 2009
at 11:44 PMIf you're not Javern or Max,
don't try t communicate w me by any means of communication. I won't/don't wanna talk t you. Baelia is best left alone. You hear that? You can either try risk talking t me if you're not them. But there's a chance I'll just appear offline or block you. Of course there's exceptions. If it's really urgent, then I'll understand it. I'm not THAT bad duh. (: I WANT T BE LEFT ALONE. NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE BETTER THINGS T DO! Sorry, I forced myself t walk away from you ♥ |
♥ Search ♥ Yours truly   Baelia Alistair Pan. Single/ I'll NEVER be available! My heart's preoccupied I'm currently 15 Queensway Sec Scorpio 14 November's my birthday! I'm a crybaby Mad about LOVE Don't step over my limit She loves to sing! I'm fun! I like to play! Divided in two Blur as a sotong I needs lots of love and concern I'm just like a cat :D I love attention <3 Dont judge me from the outside Cause you dont understand ME . ♥ Loves ♥ Freedom ♥ Cookies ♥ Cheese ♥ Chocolates ♥ Chilli ♥ Movies ♥ Dates ♥ Loathe Hypocrites Backstabbers Betrayers Gossiping Debates Criticisms Love triangles Marriage Fast foods ♥ Desires Freedom Top10 in class Unlimited money t spend No curfew More time t hang out More pets! Change for th better Get t Sec4 Express ♥ Chains 3O1'O9 Aiko Alvin/Pegasi ChengBoon Chiwen/PurplePixies Claud Daniel Felicia Grace Janice/MissyJANx3 Jeanne JiaYuan Kenneth Marc/zxDarkFlamexz Melissa Naruto Nicholas Pavithra PingFang SamuelTeo Sequoias Guild Blog Shaun/x3Crisis Shirley Shuean Simon Terencee/xXxXShadowxX Vanessa WeiLiang XinYi XinYu Yaozhi YunTing/Krugal93 ZiLing/JuniorPixie ♥ Make some noise! ♥ Dance t th music!
♥ Memories January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 ♥ Credits © All Rights Reserved |
at 3:18 AM