Hi (:
My name is Chair and I rock.
Seventeen candles on the 28th September '09. I ♥ cocktails, cocaine, and clubbing.

PARAMORE
is the bomb.
you know you love me
xoxo


put a more detailed profile here. (:




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at 12:03 AM

this post is supposed to be on valentines,
but i'm doing it earlier because i know i'll be very busy on that very day.

this blog/fb post is dedicated to the guy i like.
you know who you are although you won't be able to read this (:

it all started on 2010 january 16.
i remembered that day clearly.
i was finally recovering after falling sick 3 times in a row.
i had mild fever and extreme cough, but i was allowed to stay in class.
and so, for the very first time, i brought my water bottle to chinese class.
and this particular guy asked if he could drink from my bottle.
i was quite shocked, i could've let him drink from it, but i was sick.
so i said, "no sorry. i have a fever."

being a typical singaporean guy, he doubted me and said:
"really ah? so coincident sia."

hmph. what a guy. i'm really telling the truth.
but why do i feel weird? and shy?
why did he ask from me when he doesn't even know me much?
i kept asking these stupid questions. and thought of him incessantly.

after awhile, thinking of him became part of my daily life.
and spending time with him became fun.
days passed by, and i looked forward to chinese classes.
because that was the only time i could really see him.

he was oblivious towards my weird behaviour,
and i had the time of my life turning back and looking at him. (lol =l)
every assignment that has to be passed down was a chance to me.
"i can get to see him again!" it was all that i thought of.

by that time, i already knew that i'm falling in love again.
i know i shouldn't do that. but it was so much fun.
he'd never guess what's going on in my mind,
it's kind of good because we still get to be friends.
the only trouble was my heart. i can't get enough of him.
what should i possibly do?

by now, every turn i made, my heart was pounding real hard.
i get nervous merely because i looked at him unintentionally.

coincidentally, we were required to stay back after school.
for the "briefing" of the peer tutors.
this teacher was "forcing" me to join the program,
and so i did cos i had no choice.
he brought me down to avarm2, and..

that guy and his friends were running past me.
"they're peer tutors just like you." this teacher explained.
in my mind floated a silent "ooh!"

then, this teacher crapped,
"next time, 1 of these guys will be your husband."
i was like. "wah! you're a teacher ley!" (=.=")
so i went in the room, like a stranger, scared stiff.
wandered around a little and sat down beside 2 sec5 guys.
and i realised. i was just behind him!

then. for the first time i noticed that he has lots of pimples on his head! (lol -.-)
and so, i decided to be cranky and give him a facial cleanser.
at first i told him to come to me alone so that i can give it to him.
who would know, he brought his friends along (-_-"!),
i was embarrassed and i didn't have the courage,
so i told him, class door's locked and i RAN out of the school.
i thought my heart suffered a seizure. cos it was pounding like mad.
after that, i felt sad, and disappointed too.
i was almost sure i could get over my anxiety problem,
but the mere look in his eyes threw me off track.
i couldn't help it! so i kept quiet.

the next day, i decided i could do it another way.
i passed that "thingy" to my friend whose in the same class as him.
and told her to pass it to him. and it was a success (:
no heart seizures anymore! but..

little did i know his friends were already spreading rumours about me.
i was, of course, a little disturbed.
cos i didn't know how to face him if this matter gets to him.
i was afraid (la). but i kept quiet.

subsequently, we stopped talking to each other.
i didn't know why, but for me i was too embarrassed to talk to him.
but i was still happy, even if i don't start the day good,
i would be in cloud nine after chinese classes, best if there's 2 period of chinese!

one "unlucky" moment after a change of lesson,
i took my p.e attire and walked to the toilet.
halfway there, i saw him walking towards his class.
i kept looking, unaware of my footsteps,
then! i tripped on something, and...
i fell beside him when he was walking by my side (=.="!)
i didn't know what else to do.
i panicked and ran to the toilet. =l

actually, i was quite contented already.
let's cut the happy part short because what's not meant to be will never be (:
2 days ago, i just found out from someone,
that this guy i like, has a girl he likes in his class.

it was definitely disappointing (la).
but i'm okay with it.
i lost to her in studies, in appearance, in almost everything.
so i don't mind losing to her (again) in love.

it's kind of saddening,
how i used to get A1 for chinese because i enjoyed having him as my classmate.
and now, i barely even pass because i was so affected ):

although now my heart still go crazy whenever i see him,
i can feel the disappointment within, residing in me.
so. i let go. willingly.
and decided to move on in life.

even until now, i still think of him often.
i get to see him for one or two times a day,
but that can no longer make a difference.

to be absolutely honest, this is kind of silly and fun.
but i've never regretted at all (:

i know being such a timid girl, i won't have the courage to do what i want.
i know that he rarely smiles. so whenever i see him,
i could almost hear my heart shouting,

now i finally know the meaning of mixed emotions.
happy and yet sad.
beautiful and yet tragic.

smile more, love more,
i want to see him happy always.
because when he's happy,
i'll be happy too.

loving someone doesn't always requires you to have him,
letting go of someone doesn't always have to be sad.
valentines' isn't only for those couples in love.

whatever the outcome is, i don't really care.
be it lovely or be it tragic,
i'm just happy that,

i'm finally waking up from this dream.